Living with Autobots for Dummies
by tyrantqueenofcons
Summary: Well who says it'll be easy huh?
1. Chapter 1

Well, it's not a sequel I can tell you that. But I'm taking a break from writing _Dysfunctional Family _for now. I have such horrible writer's block right now, plus after dealing with my first ever college essay I lost all motivation to write anything. So instead I wrote this little guideline only this time it's for the 'Bots instead of the 'Cons.(Yes Tyrant is back once again...she did -shuts up- I'll spoil it for everyone if I say anything. Just read it...

**Disclaimer:** Transformers doesn't belong to me. Tai belongs to Tatyana Witwicky. Anyone who doesn't sound familiar probably doesn't belong to me but the rest of the OC's do. I own Tyrant, Beta and Lithium. **  
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><p><strong>Rule 1: <strong>Never leave Lego pieces lying around

(They are very painful to step on)

(Plus they can jam the 'Bots gears)

(All Lego has been destroyed maliciously)

**Rule 2: **Chocolate clothes are not real clothes

(It only happens in fashion shows)

(No one told Sam that)

(He decided to wear a chocolate hat)

(It was pretty cool until it melted all over his face)

**Rule 3: **Typos in daily reports are unacceptable

(You will be forced to re-do them)

(And being advanced robots, they have incredible spell checks)

(Curse you Prowl!)

**Rule 4: **Dead legging is forbidden

(Not only does it get annoying but once the Twins learned of this…)

(Only bad things happen)

(Sunny was brave enough to dead leg Ratchet)

(Of course afterwards he got more than a couple wrenches to the face)

**Rule 5: **Do not use experimental plant grow formulas

(Let's just say it does a lot more than help the plants grow)

**Rule 6: **When you're bored don't attempt the following:

Use your secret mind powers (You'll get weird looks) (But I swear that the pencil did move!)

Stare at people behind their backs (It freaks everyone out) (Bonus points if you don't blink)

Rate passers-by (This is where you mark people ten out of ten for clothing, hair, shoes…etc.)

Make low buzzing noises (Perfect for those awkward silences!) (Or just annoying people in general)

Developing a weird twitch (I did this while watching TV) (I was _thisclose _to getting another mentality test)

**Rule 7: **"To conquer the Earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not an answer to any question

(Your sanity _will _be questioned)

(Not to mention you'll be doing mentality tests for a week)

(Trust me, those are hell)

**Rule 8: **War stories are fun, but be careful how many times you ask

(It'll start to get boring after the tenth time you've heard the same story)

(If you get stuck with Sunstreaker, just slowly move away while he's talking)

(This is the perfect opportunity to practice your stealth abilities)

**Rule 9: **Do not call Ironhide the "Tooth Fairy"

("He's a different type of tooth fairy. He knocks them out for the one in the frilly dress to collect")

(This will either give him an ego boost…or simply put: you'll be heading for the hills…)

**Rule 10: **Using a jump rope as a whip is prohibited

(There can be so many problems with this)

**Rule 11: **Humans are no longer allowed to use old cups as bowling pins

(I found a whole bunch of old coffee mugs and lined them up)

(They were old and chipped anyway)

(It was fun until we realized how many pieces we had to clean up)

(Still haven't found them all)

**Rule 12: **Bath bombs are not actual bombs

(You know what, I'm not gonna bother with a caption)

**Rule 13: **Try to keep a poker face when in trouble

(This is essential to avoid punishment)

(Of course if you screw up then you're on your own)

(Leo, Miles, Sam…)

(They all cracked)

**Rule 14: **If a fight should occur over the 'last one', please settle the conflict peacefully

(Sam and Tai grabbed the cookie at the same time)

(This resulted in an intense stare down of epic proportions)

(Plus a lot of yelling too)

**Rule 15: **Never time how fast it takes to flee from danger

(I enjoy doing this on a regular basis)

(So far Leo is in the lead with 1:01)

(However Tai beat his time by forty seconds)

**Rule 16: **Tin cans make great security systems

(When dealing with the resident dimwits a.k.a. Skids and Mudflap then yes)

(They really need to work on their ninja skills)

(Man, their reactions were priceless when they tripped!)

**Rule 17: **Do not question the Real Effing Deal

(Don't question it!)

(Especially since Leo works so bloody hard to keep his crazy roommates in the dark)

(Well, in the dark as in…say…not much…)

(Did I say "work hard" and "Leo" in the same sentence?)


	2. Chapter 2

I'm amazed by how many people are reading this...however, even with so few reviews, I'll keep going!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Transformers. Plain and simple **  
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><p><strong>Rule 18: <strong>No attempts at elbow licking

(A few of us got really bored)

(We need to get out more often)

(Anyway, Sam, Tai, Miles and I all tried this)

(The results…Sam and Miles both failed)

(I _almost _did it)

(Tai…she won)

(The best part was when the 'Bots took notice)

(I think it was the faces that freaked them out first)

**Rule 19: **Using fancy words does not make you smart

(Prowl will often point this out)

(As does Perceptor)

(Gee, can't a girl act smart for a few minutes?)

**Rule 20: **Don't take a bunch of feathers and throw them all over the place yelling "I'M MOLTING!"

(This will lead to a questioning of your sanity)

(Plus a trip to the Med Bay)

(I'm having nightmares of the Hatchet lecturing me now…)

**Rule 21: **Never hack any of the 'Bots processors so error messages pop up repeatedly

(Now that was fun)

(Several of the 'Bots actually believed something was wrong with them)

(I was blamed for this of course…)

(Didn't do it but kudos to whoever did)

**Rule 22: **No one is allowed to use military vehicles or Autobots to "squish" things

(Sadly, we cannot get rid of Galloway)

(As much as we'd like too)

(Although the Chevy Twins were quite enthusiastic about the suggestion)

**Rule 23: **Shouting "Let's do the village! Let's do the whole effing village!" while out on a mission is bad

(We need to stop reading "Skippy's List")

(We get way too many ideas)

(I said this while sneaking around some evil dude's hideout)

(I received a lot of "SHHHHH!" responses)

**Rule 24: **Never tell Red Alert about Sock Gnomes or the speculation that moths are planning world domination

(We haven't heard the end of it)

(He's been interrogating all the soldiers and checking the laundry)

(On the plus side there aren't any moths on base any more)

**Rule 25: **Never under any circumstances deem it necessary to challenge any medical bots with medical terms

(They will outdo you greatly)

(And also correct you should you mess up)

(I know my fair share of stuff!)

(But I decided to stop after a while since a wrench was looming over my head)

**Rule 26: **Tongue twisters are only permitted amongst humans (and techno organics)

(Getting any Autobots to try saying them is a nightmare)

(Jolt ended up having his vocal processor glitch)

(He hasn't spoken in a week)

**Rule 27: **Quoting Scott Pilgrim VS the World is not allowed

(This movie is epic epicness!)

"You punched me in the boob! Prepare to die, obviously!" (Leo was so screwed…) (I made him suffer)

"That's it! You cocky cock! You'll pay for your crimes against humanity!" (Lennox) (He said this to 'Screamer after he stopped gloating how evil he was)

"We are Sex-Bob Omb and we are here to make you think about death and get sad and stuff…" (I nearly died of laughter when Tai said this out loud)

"The only thing separating me from her is the two minutes it's gonna take to kick your ass" (That was real…sweet…'Cade)

"Do you have any idea how long it took me to get all that information? Like, two hours! *Two hours!* (Boy was somebody mad that day)

"Do that again, and I will end you!" (A wise piece of advice boys) (Don't mess with girls)

**Rule 28: **Don't yell "HEADSHOT!" in the middle of battle

(This gets you a few stares)

(And another mentality test)

**Rule 29: **Finger painting is for the younglings

(It's fun anyway)

(Well it was until someone (meaning Miles) thought it'd be cool to re-enact The Blair Witch Project)

(Oh good lord…)

**Rule 30: **Do not use NEST's motto as your own

(If I tell you, then I have to kill you)

(Or something like that)

(I use this to scare the newbies)

**Rule 31: **Two words: Drain-o bombs

(Wheeljack is never allowed near YouTube again)

(Or Drain-o)

(After that incident with the authorities, all Drain-o has been removed from the base)

**Rule 32: **Putting up maps around the base is quite useful

(Know how easy it is to get lost in Diego Garcia?)

(Really easy)

**Rule 33: **The following YouTube videos are to be shown behind closed doors

Charlie bit me (The 'Bots didn't find it funny that some little kid was biting his brother's finger)

VenetianPrincess' Parodies (Those are awesome…but be careful not to show Ratchet "Accident Prone") (That didn't go well)

Jackass stunts (Humans are strange enough…we don't need them thinking we're psychos)

How it Should Have Ended (Nothing like ruining favourite movies) (My personal favourites are the superhero ones)

**Rule 34: **Always ask before trusting the Wreckers

(I don't trust their intelligence)

(They gave me a gun that they said "would most absolutely fragging definitely" fire)

(I went flying backwards)

(But at least they were right about something)

(Of course I was knocked unconscious so I have no idea what)


	3. Chapter 3

Well, here's another list

**Disclaimer: **Rule 47 is courtesy of _MISCrazyaboutfanfics_**. **I don't own Transformers, yada yada yada...Tai belongs to Tatyana Witwicky...**  
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><p><strong>Rule 35: <strong>Using Kool-Aid as hair dye is not allowed

(They already think its bad for our health)

(No use using it for other purposes)

(Although purple is _so _not my colour)

**Rule 36: **Remember the warning signs of charged cannons

(Skids, Mudflap, Sunny, Sides)

(If it's glowing, back away)

(Chances are you'll be in pieces if you don't)

**Rule 37: **Never take any tools from the Med Bay for personal destruction

(I'm starting to wonder if anyone will listen to this rule)

(The result of this will mean any check –ups will be a personal hell)

**Rule 38: **Don't suffocate the humans!

(We need to breath you know!)

(Yes, yes, even us Techno Organics)

(So if our faces are turning red, let go)

**Rule 39: **Calling any of the smaller 'Bots "shorties" is insulting

(Quite a few of them are taller than us)

(Some of them have tempers)

(And guns)

**Rule 40: ** Do not come up with reasons behind the Autobots names

(This was a fun day)

(We came up with many odd reasons)

(Some of them were too ridiculous to write up)

**Rule 41: **Chain letters are banned

(Jolt was convinced if he didn't send the letter to ten people he'd be visited by some ghost)

**Rule 42: **Making random bird noises will annoy people greatly

(Especially Red Alert)

**Rule 43: **Red Rover is banned

(Tai and I enjoy running at the newbies)

(They avoid us now)

**Rule 44: **You cannot prove you're Batman

(Sam wasn't convinced)

("I'm Batman! See? Easy.")

(Dude, that's lame)

**Rule 45: ** Whenever someone touches you don't run around in circles and yell "I'VE GOT COOTIES!"

(More mentality tests)

(And shots)

(I hate shots!)

**Rule 46: **'Spoiler Alert' is a useful phrase

(This is a general life lesson)

(I can't even begin to count all the times I've been given evil looks for ruining movies)

**Rule 47: **Do not let Wheeljack use a microwave to make plasma

(Or heat up anything else that's not human food)

(You don't want to know what kind of disaster will result)

(I never wanna eat marshmallows again)

**Rule 48:** Voyeurism is not a hobby!

(So quit spying on us Red Alert!)

(None of us is harbouring any fugitives in our rooms)

**Rule 49: **Never compare Sideswipe with Swiper the Fox

(This is all Annabelle's doing)

(She caught him stealing something from the Med Bay)

("Swiper, no swiping. Swiper, no swiping. Swiper, no swiping!")

(He got served)

**Rule 50: **Random name generators are forbidden

(We've all got new nicknames now)

(Very embarrassing)

(Mine wasn't exactly great either)

**Rule 51: **Don't reprogram Teletron-1

(I don't know how, but its voice sounds like that computer from Eagle Eye)

"Refrain from abandoning that useless item within my field of vision" (I was holding a pencil…)

"Exit in an orderly fashion or be subject to termination" (Everyone surprisingly listened)

"Affirmative, carbon based life forms must be removed from the premises" (One of these days I'm taking a sledgehammer to that thing)

"As you can see, you are without hope. Nobody is here to save you. You are alone. You have five seconds to retreat." (It gets into your head!)

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><p>Well, there you have it! If you have any other ideas, please tell me...I've been scouring the internet for some of these rules<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

Here's Chapter 4!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Transformers...blah blah blah...Rule 61 is courtesy of **_Noella50881. _**Tai belongs to Tatyana Witwicky. I own Tyrant and Lithium.

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><p><strong>Rule 52: <strong>Roommate Agreements (or any agreements) are banned

(Sheldon Cooper is insane OK!)

(It can also get out of hand)

(Red Alert made up a bunch of ridiculous rules)

('Section 5: Danger, sub section C: Snow, paragraph H: Jokes')

("Humans are to remove any traces of aqueous parasites before entering the base")

(Whoever called snow 'dandruff from the sky' or 'watery parasites' is so doomed)

**Rule 53: **Throwing rotten fruit for your own amusement is not allowed

(Skids, Mudflap)

(I don't want to know where you got them)

(Do you know how long it took to get all the tomato slime out of my shirt?)

(Weeks!)

**Rule 54: **Never go along with whatever the Twins come up with

(It will end it disaster)

(You will get blamed for it)

(Even if you were never there)

**Rule 55: **If you stumble upon something illogical, run

(Chances are, Prowl will probably glitch)

(If you run fast enough you may be able to save yourself a headache)

(And severe punishments)

(Which may include being used as target practice, hour long lectures, or watching the Chevy Twins)

(That last one should be avoided at all costs)

**Rule 56: **Do not let any 'Bots near lava lamps

(It tends to mesmerize them)

(Jolt ended up shorting out his optics from staring so long)

(Smack Leo upside the head if he encourages the Lambo Twins to break it open)

**Rule 57: **Lithium is not allowed outside her cage alone)

(This is a general rule for small pets)

(It took me hours to find her)

(You don't wanna know where she was)

**Rule 58: **Faking an illness is a bad idea

(You will find yourself sentenced to bed rest for several days)

(I was dragged to the med bay by Barricade)

(I think he enjoys my suffering)

(Especially when I saw that creepy look on his face)

**Rule 59: **Only use your hands or utensils to eat

(What gave Sam the idea to use his feet I have no clue)

(It grossed out the majority of the 'Bots)

(As well as a few humans were eating _properly _nearby)

(I was tempted to throw my fork at him)

**Rule 60: **No DDR dance offs!

(Scream at Glen or Miles if they suggest this)

(There are no giant DDR mats!)

(It will cause an earthquake!)

**Rule 61: **Never call Sunstreaker anything but his real name

(I called him Sunshine, Sunny, Lemon, Fish Face, Ignorant, Banana, and Buttercup on several occasions)

(I try to feign innocence if he catches me)

(However it doesn't work very often)

(So I just screamed at him and hid behind someone important)

(He got the world's longest lecture from Optimus)

(Mwahahahaha!)

(He glared at me for awhile afterwards)

(I just threaten to scratch his paint whenever he does that)

**Rule 62: **Plungers are not climbing gear

(Tai, I think you're gonna be the death of the Autobots someday)

(But then again it was Miles who listened)

(All she told him was a grandma could climb better than he could)

(Miles, being Miles was determined to defend his dignity)

(I'm amazed how high he got before anyone noticed)

**Rule 63: **Don't mention body piercings to Ratchet

(He tends to twitch violently)

**Rule 64: **When out in public, try not to be conspicuous

(Yeah, the licence plate "SXY BST" is really subtle Sides)

(You just had to add the rims didn't you?)

**Rule 65: **Wiggling your fingers will not curse anyone

(As much as I try)

(Sadly Galloway is not cursed)

(Although ten seconds after I tried he tripped over something)

**Rule 66: **"Marco." "Polo"

(It annoys all the older 'Bots)

(Bumblebee, 'Cade and Jazz understand perfectly)

(Thank goodness somebody does)

**Rule 67: **Every day is not Halloween

(Although that'd be kinda cool)

(Didn't stop the Twins from singing the 'Silver Shamrock' song over and over)

(Oh make it stop!)

**Rule 68: **I cannot use my 'Con status to scare newbies or annoy liaisons

(Drat)

(I was just gonna shoot him…)

(Would you believe that my Dad said no?)

(Me neither)

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><p>There you go! If you have any more suggestions feel free to say so...End of Line!<p> 


	5. Chapter 5

Another wonderful set of rules

**Disclaimer:** Thanks to MISCrasyaboutfanfics, Noella50811, Tjcassieever, Lioutenant Flame and Anonybot for the rule ideas!

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><p><strong>Rule 69: <strong>If you value your junk food, hide it from Ratchet ASAP!

(Peaches is surprisingly fraggin' good at it)

(Not entirely sure how she does)

(Every time we ask she just smiles and says "Trade secrets!")

(Grrrr….)

**Rule 70: **Peaches is a Pretender, not a Techno Organic

(There's a difference you know)

(Both sets of Twins seem to forget this)

(Me and Tai: Techno Organics)

(Peaches: Not…)

(How hard is that?)

**Rule 71: **If you plan on breaking curfew, avoid your guardians and others at all costs

(Barricade caught me on the side of the road)

(I tried to out run him)

(Bad mistake on my part)

(He went all 'homicidal joyride' on me)

(As soon as we got back to base I jumped out and exclaimed "Ground! Sweet marvellous land!")

(He laughed at my misery)

**Rule 72: **Wheeljack is no longer allowed near the human sector

(He made the base explode again)

(We didn't help him this time)

**Rule 73: **Glow in the Dark paint is banned

(It's fun to watch the 'Bots walk into a dark room and see glowing handprints everywhere)

(Especially when they saw some of the move)

(That was us)

**Rule 74: **Freaky Friday cannot be watched around Red Alert

(He didn't understand the concept)

(And now he's…more paranoid than usual)

(All fortune cookies have disappeared)

(Fortune Cookie Lovers UNITE!)

**Rule 75: **For the love of fragging monkeys, when my Dad shows up keeps the guns away!

(I'm starting to wonder how long this is gonna keep up)

(They seem to forget that I have another side of me)

(Oh those Twins didn't know what came to them)

(After I calmed down (five hours later), the base was in a state of disaster)

(Half of it was from me)

(Don't ask how much the repairs cost)

(Dad was so proud of me!)

**Rule 76: **Do not steal Mearing's glasses and wear them

(She was so pissed)

(It fun to watch her run around looking for them)

(We passed them around, taking turns trying to find our way through the base)

(Of course it didn't stop her from using her cell to call in the CIA)

(I left the country for a while)

(Still haven't given them back)

**Rule 77: **Never replace the background with a screenshot on anyone's laptops

(Galloway couldn't understand why he couldn't close the webpage)

(It was an advertisement for online poker)

(His swearing could be heard half way across the base)

(Nobody saved him for hours)

**Rule 78: **Pretending to have rabies will only lead to trouble

(Leo, I think you've officially lost it)

(He walked into the rec room with whip cream on his face)

(Ratchet was not pleased)

(Leo hasn't been seen for several days)

(I think I hear screaming)

**Rule 79: **Just because humans can do it doesn't mean you can

Slurpees (The Lambo Twins have been trying to create their own) (It ended in disaster) (Keep all chemicals under lock and key)

Knitting (I do it out of boredom) (They also don't make needles that big) (No, Jolt that's a spear)

Frisbee (Didn't know they made them that big) (There's a list of injuries around here somewhere)

**Rule 80: **The "Nyan Cat" song is banned

(Yeah…my sanity is decreasing rapidly)

(That doesn't give you permission to torture 'Cons with it)

(Except Starscream)

(Then go right ahead)

**Rule 81: **Don't heckle Ironhide behind his back

(Sunstreaker started making stupid faces)

(And dancing)

(And…he even did the bunny ears)

(Ironhide shot him in the aft)

(There's a new landmark on the wall now)

**Rule 82: **The following are not emergencies!

Losing your credit card (Hey, it's a shopping crisis!)

Forgetting to buy candy (Miles) (There are no exceptions here)

Misplacing socks (Me) (I spent hours searching for my stripy socks…)

Remembering someone else has your IPad (Lennox) (He was about to hunt down whoever took it) (That was until he found out Annabelle was playing with it)

**Rule 83: **Never ask what FBI stands for

"Female Body Inspector" (Me)

"Fragging Badass Idiots" (Sam)

"Forget Bail Ignoramus" (don't ask)

**Rule 84: **Do not, under any circumstances, randomly yell out "RATCHET'S A TOOL!"

(Well, in a sense it is…)

(He didn't take it too well)

(I was sent to my room)

(Not unscathed though)

**Rule 85: **I am not a traitor!

(Let's make this clear)

(Yes, I'm with the 'Cons)

(Yes, my Dad is crazy)

(OK fine so am I…)

(But could I have just one day where I don't hear "Punk-ass Decepticon" and "You feelin' lucky punk?")


	6. Chapter 6

Well this went better than I had hoped.

**Disclaimer: **Thanks to MISCrasyaboutfanfics who gave me a few ideas (yet again! ;D )**  
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><p><strong>Rule 86: <strong>Don't show any of the Autobots 4Chan

(Yeah, just don't)

**Rule 87: **No installing large _crystal _chandeliers

(Need I remind anyone what happened last time?)

('Bee still cringes whenever Sam brings it up)

**Rule 88:** Palindromes will only confuse the 'Bots

(The Chevy Twins went around all day quoting random ones)

(None of the older 'Bots can understand why people enjoy saying weird sentences that have no meaning)

(They have no concept of fun)

**Rule 89: **Contrary to popular belief, commercials aren't always right

(Will someone smack Leo for telling the Lambo Twins using Downy would cause hallucinations?)

(Or that flowers and swirly things will float through the air if you use air fresheners?)

(The base reeks thanks to him now)

**Rule 90: **Never put me and Simmons in the same room

(Nothing good can come out of this)

(We got into a heated argument)

(About what I have no idea)

**Rule 91: **If there's an actual bee flying around, don't bring attention to yourself

(This will cause mass hysteria)

(I was sitting in the rec room with Tai and Sam when a bee flew on my nose)

(Not wanting to annoy anyone I grabbed a pillow and tried to smack it)

(Needless to say I didn't get the bee)

(Also didn't help that I kind of screamed afterwards, ran around in circles and yelled "BEE! BEE! BEE!")

(A certain yellow Camaro came racing into the room shortly afterwards, arm cannon blazing)

**Rule 92: **The following cannot be used as guilt trips

"But you promised!" (Overused to the tenth degree) (I've said this about a hundred times already)

"I know what you did last summer" (Remember to say this in a demented voice)

"I've had to deal with your bitchy whining so the least you can do is deal with mine!" (Did. Not. End. Well.)

"You have a debt to pay!" (Say this to Red Alert and he will do anything) (Anything)

**Rule 93: **Quoting the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy is prohibited

"I think you ought to know I'm feeling very depressed." (Sam) (He was whisked away to the Med Bay)

"No, that's perfectly normal paranoia. Everyone in the universe gets that." (Sideswipe) (Why he said this I've no idea)

"What is all this 'is she the one' tripe?" (Wheelie) (Trying to understand the concept of "love")

"HE'S GOT A TOWEL!" (Sunstreaker) (Miles decided to be extra nasty that day)

"I should have said it resembles tea." (Wheeljack) (If it's not tea then what is it?)

"Freeze? I'm a robot, not a refrigerator." (Prowl) (He never understands things we do)

"Go with a hunch, of a man, whose brain is fuelled by lemons?" (Me) (Then went the "I demand to see life's manager…" rants again)

"I have a million ideas; they all point to certain death." (Red Alert) (Thank you for your contributions...)

**Rule 94: **Red Bull does not give you wings

(Tai)

(I've never seen Prime twitch so violently)

**Rule 95: **I am not allowed near Devastator alone

(He's got some personal vendetta against me because I'm a 'Con)

(Yeah, be discriminatory Devi!)

**Rule 96: **Leo, avoid all the single women on the base

(His latest conquest hit him where the sun don't shine)

(She also threw him against the wall shortly after)

(By the time anyone found him he was in his underwear and tied to a flagpole)

**Rule 97: **Rocky Horror Picture Show is only to be watched behind closed doors

(Prowl doesn't think the movie is logical)

(I turned to him with a serious expression)

("Dude, that's the point")

(Since watching the film each human has been nicknamed after the main characters)

(Sam=Brad)

(Mikeala=Janet)

(Leo=Dr. Frank N Furter)

(Me=Magenta)

(Miles=Riff Raff)

(You get the picture)

**Rule 98: **No strange pets

(Wheeljack NO PLATYPUSES!)

(Jolt there is no such thing as a Flying Purple People Eater)

(Both twins, major and minor, forget about the Bandersnatch)

**Rule 99:** Don't call Peaches and her Sparkmate Sideways 'weird' for having two different kids

(Peaches threatened Galloway and chased him around the base)

(Optimus managed to calm her down within two hours)

(But not before she nearly tied him to the back of a helicopter)

**Rule 100: **Also, whoever watches their kids is responsible for everything they do

(Ratchet is still trying to wrap his processor around the fact that a 9 month old human and a 6 month old sparkling made that big of a mess)

(That's sparklings for ya)

**Rule 101:** Don't ask Sideways how he survived being cut in half

(Or why he's no longer a coward)

(The explanation is unbelievable and utterly hard to follow)

(Sideswipe has taken to sharpening his swords in the rec room)

**Rule 102: **Hiding annoying people/sparklings/'Bots in empty rooms is not an option

(May Primus be with you should you do this)

(Because you'll have a hoard of angry mechs and femmes hunting you down)

(Poor Sunny)

(He didn't see it coming)

(Sparrow was fine when they found her but he sure wasn't)


	7. Chapter 7

**Ah, another wonderful, yet odd list**

**Thank you those who contributed random ideas!  
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><p><strong>Rule 103: <strong>Leaf piles are for outdoors only

(This is the result of five hours of raking)

(I had a bunch of neat piles all lined up when Miles and Sam came around the corner)

(They immediately had a leaf war)

(How did this get inside you ask?)

(When the Lambo Twins showed up)

(That was some leaf pile they made)

(Ooh it was raining leaves that day)

**Rule 104: **No pet rocks

(I named mine George!)

(Of course the 'Bots go into it too)

(Except I don't think gold is really considered pet rock status Wheeljack)

**Rule 105: **Eraser Ruler Hockey is banned

(Rainy days do things to people)

(We used rulers as sticks and erasers as pucks)

(It was me, Sam, Miles and Lennox VS Tai, Epps, Leo and one of his roomies whatshisname?)

(At first it was fun)

(But then the guys got a little too carried away)

(An eraser got lodged in 'Bee's optic)

**Rule 106: **Text language is not a form of speaking

(Where R U? U has 2 C THIS...)

(LMAO, LOL, ROFL)

(You get the picture)

(I got asked by Ratchet what "A/S/L" meant)

(I turned away slowly and ate my breakfast quietly)

**Rule 107: **Don't say "Primus, I must be adopted" when embarrassed in front of the parentals

(Sam and I say this a lot)

(Well, mostly me)

(Have you seen who I have to live with?)

**Rule 108: **Three words: Scurry. Sniff. Flinch!

(Not the ideal way to deal with Cons)

(I'm not sure if Sunny made it worse when he came back from patrol covered it dents)

("I flinched, but I should have scurried")

(I face palmed)

**Rule 109: **Never tell any of the Autobots that the sky is falling when it rains

(I told this to Prowl and he glitched)

(Ratchet chased me around the base, hurling wrenches at me when he found out)

(I hid behind Optimus again)

(Oooh that was a helluva dent…)

**Rule 110: **NEVER reprogramme one of Ironhide's guns into confetti cannons

(This didn't end well)

(Ironhide blamed me for this)

(I was made a living target for three hours)

(Never again…)

**Rule 111: **Glitter is banned from the base

(SPARKLE! SPARKLE!)

(The Chevy Twins paintjobs were blinding enough)

(Don't need to turn them into pixies)

**Rule 112: **Don't call 'Bee, the Twins, and Jolt the "Chevy Crew"

(This is amazingly true though)

(Only one who found this amusing was Bee)

(The others…spoilsports)

**Rule 113: **If you hear noises from Wheeljack's lab, ignore them

(Generally means something is…)

(Going to explode)

(Possibly explode)

(Or have nasty results should you stay)

**Rule 114: **Three strikes you're out is not a form of punishment

(Red Alert, you have got to stop getting ideas from Sheldon Cooper)

(All I did was paint him orange)

(The nerve of that guy)

**Rule 116: **No more homicidal joyrides

(Do I need to list all the 'Bots?)

('Bee, Jazz, Skids, Mudflap, 'Cade, Ironhide)

(They must really want us to hurl in their interiors)

**Rule 117: **Never cover Sunny or Sides in red dot stickers

("EW…the Lambo Twins have chicken pox!")

(Ratchet was highly amused by this and dragged their sorry afts to the med bay)

(I don't wanna know)

**Rule 118: **No personalized licence plates

(This goes along with rule 64)

(IRAWSM) (Sunny)

(SHOOT1ST) (Ironhide)

(PRMTIM) (Optimus)

(SPRNJA) (Mudflap)

(SXYBTH) (Don't ask)

**Rule 119:** "This bag is green"

("It's clearly black")

("No, it's green…")

("Are you blind? It's black!")

("Green…GREEN!")

**Rule 120: **Holograms are strictly for use as 'drivers' only

(Oh the horror)

(Someone thought it'd be funny to put a holo of my Dad in front of my room)

(I screamed so loudly several mechs came racing down the hall)

(They ended up in a robot dog pile)


	8. Chapter 8

Thank you my lovely readers who suggested rule ideas! I was running out of rules

* * *

><p><strong>Rule 121: <strong>Camouflage is for the soldiers, not civilians

(The 'Bots pretend they can't see us)

(Miles stood in the middle of the rec room and nearly got trampled several times)

(Of course this didn't discourage him)

(So he went around making stupid ghost noises)

(He was ignored so long he actually thought he'd become invisible)

**Rule 122: **Paintballs are not a substitute for ammo

(I've been informed that none of the 'Cons are pleased with their new paint jobs)

(But it was freakin' hilarious to see Skywarp cowering in the corner dripping with silver paint)

(I saw him and yelled "OMIGOSH! SKYWARP'S MELTING!")

(I got in soooo much trouble)

(Spoilsports)

**Rule 123: **When called to a very important meeting with Optimus, do not be late

(Optimus frowns upon lateness)

(Prowl tends favour sending 'Bots and Humans alike to the brig)

(Apparently status makes no difference to him)

(Excuses don't work either)

"I forgot to set my alarm" (Me) (They only believe it so many times…)

"My alarm clock is an Autobot" (Sam) (Even 'Bee facepalmed at that)

"There was a meeting today?" (Tai) (Ah, the joys of not paying attention) (Not that I do that too)

"I'll catch the next one" (Miles) (Dude, you've missed like…twelve)

"My alarm clock attacked me!" (Sides) (You don't have one!)

**Rule 124: **The Autobots do not like lies

(Don't try this often)

(They can sense lies)

(I told the Autobots school was cancelled early and just walked home)

(Got lectured when Dad caught me)

(Not sure if I'll ever be doing that again)

**Rule 125: **No throwing small objects at the 'Bots while hiding

(Poor Jolt)

(Didn't know what hit him)

(I think I can hear something rattling whenever he walks)

**Rule 126: **Hairdryers are _not _radar guns

(It's fun to do this during rush hour)

(Tai and I sat in 'Cade's alt mode on the side of the highway)

(We wore dark sunglasses too)

(People actually slowed down when they saw us)

**Rule 127: **Don't explain the difference between adults and kids

(With kids everything is "Up")

(Wait up, hold up, shut up…)

(Can I stay _up_?)

(With adults everything is "down")

(Calm down, slow down, come down, sit down…put that down!)

(Yeah it sucks…)

**Rule 128: **Never show the 'Bots stupid warning labels

"May irritate eyes" (On pepper spray)

"Not intended for highway use" (On a 13 inch wheelbarrow)

"Do not use orally" (On a toilet brush)

"Warning: knives are sharp!" (On a knife sharpener)

(They already think we're nuts)

(No need to encourage that theory)

**Rule 129: **Don't let Wheeljack try to create the candy from Harry Potter

(He managed to make Berite Botts Every Flavour Beans)

(One of them tasted like motor oil)

(Motor oil!)

(I've never tasted it before but that's what it was)

**Rule 130: **Never purposely cause Blitzwing's personality to be stuck on 'angry'

(He was quoting Arnold Schwarzenegger for hours)

(The 'Cons were actually begging to be locked in the brig so they wouldn't have to hear him rant)

(I have a new roommate now!)

(And I hate it)

**Rule 131: **When on monitor duty don't press a random button and say "To the Cloud!" in a dramatic voice

(Prowl has no sense of humour)

(The computer sadly did not flip over)

(Wasn't even sure what button I pressed)

(Turns out it turned on a hidden camera I was not aware about)

(Two guesses where it was)

**Rule 132: **Do not type or speak in leet

(I've had to redo several reports)

(Prowl glitched after he read it)

l* I2 () vv 1 Ч o l_l 9 1 ! + ( l-l )-( 3 l ) **

**Rule 133: **Never get into a discussion on which 'Bot would make a better femme and paring them up

(Most threw a fit upon hearing that they are better being a femme)

(Sam and I faced the wrenches of doom)

(After pairing up femme Ratchet with Ironhide)

(Don't get me started on what happened when Sam paired a femme Starscream with my Dad)

(He's still recovering)

**Rule 134: **"My hand is a dolphin!"

(I think I broke a few 'Bots again)

(Jolt chased me around the base claiming I had mental problems)

**Rule 135: **Bird Feeders are banned

(I thought Red Alert could use some company)

(So I snuck into his quarters with various bird feeders)

(He woke up to find a bunch of ducks, hummingbirds, and robins flying around the room)

(There are still feathers all over the place)

**Rule 136: **Don't dress up like the Grim Reaper and stand outside a 'Bot's quarters

(I did this to Skids as revenge)

("Your time is up")

(He can scream quite loudly)

**Rule 137:** Saying the following because you feel like it is not allowed

"Commercials? Oh boy, I can't wait. Thirty-second materialistic sound bites that insult our intelligence? Ooooooh, give me more of those!" (Sam after five minutes of infomercials)

"You know I've always wanted to learn another language. That way you won't understand that I'm insulting you." (Me) (And I did)

"Look, just pretend you didn't hear (or see) anything and you can walk away unscathed" (Tai) (This doesn't work very often) (Well, unless it's say...the Twins...or Jolt)

"I know where the bomb is!" (Miles) (Somebody hide the candy A.S.A.P.) (All the 'Bots within hearing range panicked)

"You call me a bitch? A bitch is a dog and a dog is part of nature; nature is beautiful so thanks for the compliment." (Mikeala) (I think she broke Sides) (Didn't help she was giving him a creepy smile)

"Yeah, that's what you think, but clearly you're mistaken, I mean, since when should you even know that." (Lennox) (He was tormenting the new recruits)

"I like my insanity thankyouverymuch."

"FISH CRACKERS!"

"Life's not fair, so what?"

"I can handle pain; it's the cause I have a problem with." (Don't say this in the Med Bay)

* * *

><p>There ya go!<p>

****** It says "Prowl, you glitchhead!"******


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: **Rules 138-141 are courtesy of Noella50881, Rules 144 and 145 are courtesy of MISCrasyaboutfanfics, Rule 154 is courtesy of Fubukifang. 

As pointed out to me this was supposed to be about the Autobots, not the 'Cons. So I'm going to stick to that for the rest of this rule book to keep it simple. However, with that being said, I'm not changing the rules before this chapter since there aren't that many and they're kinda too good to fix (and I don't really want to) **  
><strong>

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><p><strong>Rule 138: <strong>Whenever Ratchet's in one of his moods, steer clear of him.

(He tends to drag 'Bots and Humans alike into his Med-Bay for an early check-up.)

(I ended up walking home from school since my mode of transportation was "incapacitated")

(Didn't really have to figure out why when I got back)

(There was a huge line up from the Med Bay all the way outside)

(I snuck back to my room as fast as possible)

(A few hours later I opened the door to find the Psycho Medic himself standing there casually tossing a wrench in the air)

(Trying to steer clear of him?)

(Good luck)

**Rule 139: **When called to Prowl's office, do not trip his 'glitch'.

(It was funny seeing his head smoke.)

(It wasn't funny when Ratchet appeared in the doorway with his report.)

(When asked what happened, I said nothing)

(Of course this just led to more questions)

**Rule 140: **When watching children's cartoons with Annabelle or any child, make sure that Prowl isn't in the room.

(I was watching 'Dumbo' with Annabelle and Prowl walked into the Rec Room)

(He glitched upon seeing Dumbo flies)

(I wonder if he ever dreams when he glitches? Or does his processor shut down completely.)

(One of the Autobots, who happened to be in the room at the time, commed Ratchet and I had to explain what happened)

(Rant of the Century folks)

**Rule 141: **The following movies are banned from the base:

The Ring (Bee claims that a well is haunted in front of Sam's house) (So that's what that creepy noise was)

The Blair witch Project (Barricade kept following me everywhere) (No one was allowed near the woods for a while)

Christine (Don't ask)

Trucks (Optimus was hurt when he saw the truck come alive and kill the driver)

Maximum Overdrive (The Autobots protested that they'd never be that crazy)

Sleepy Hollow (Bee had nightmares after watching the headless horsemen take off his pumpkin and throw it at someone) (Mind you, this movie was animated)

Halloween (All the Autobots were pretty peeved off when I decided to watch this movie) (They said it was horrible) (Yeah, like Casper the Friendly Ghost was a better substitute!)

(Dad grounded me for two weeks.)

(I have to be supervised when renting movies now)

(Prowl threw me into the brig)

**Rule 142: **Leave the dancing to the ones who can

(This means the Lambo Twins)

(I'm not really sure what they were doing)

(Unless your alt mode is a Solstice…don't even try)

**Rule 143: ** Use 'online' and 'offline' in the right context

(I accidently said "Aw man, Sam's offline")

('Bee went into a frenzy searching for him)

(Then the Hatchet got called in)

(I was forced to write a huge apology letter)

**Rule 144: **Peaches is not allowed to sing any Halloween songs around Red Alert

(When she sang "Grim Grinning Ghosts" and used holograms to create visuals of some of the Haunted Mansion characters

(He freaked out and didn't recharge that night)

(Kept everyone awake after he turned on all the lights)

(The next morning all the humans were super P'OD)

(Same thing happened when Peaches sang "This is Halloween" from Nightmare before Christmas)

(She is still allowed to take Abby and Crystal trick-or-treating…for now...)

(Not sure how long that's gonna last)

**Rule 145: **Speaking of Halloween, make sure your costume doesn't have fake guts and blood or Energon?

(Poor Sideways became frightened and screamed "I didn't do it!" when he thought Sideswipe was dying as the latter faked being in pain and having Energon leak out of him)

(Ratchet was not pleased with the joke)

**Rule 146: **Breakfast is the most important meal of the day

(Besides the Hatchet giving you a lecture (again), the other 'Bots will freak out over your health)

('Bee tied Sam to a chair so he couldn't skip out)

**Rule 147: ** No homemade ice rinks

(I'm serious they actually sell these things)

(Although I don't know why the Chevy Twins bought it)

(Actually….never mind)

(Let's just say there was a lot of water)

**Rule 148: **Don't imitate scenes from 300

(Sunstreaker has taken to yelling "THIS. IS. SPARTA!" whenever he fights 'Cons)

(He kicks them too)

(It's starting to get irritating now)

**Rule 149: **Please don't hide the Cassettes in ridiculous places for Blaster to find them

(You know who you are)

(See, a few 'Bots decided to be real 'devious' one day and managed to kidnap a bunch of them)

(I spent the whole day looking)

(And not out of the kindness of my heart!)

**Rule 150: **Please, for the love of fraggin' monkeys, do not show any of the Autobots Chibi art!

(It tends to cause major chaos)

('Bee, Sunny, Prime, Ratchet, Wheeljack and a bunch of others all glitched)

(Not a good day)

**Rule 152: **No shirt! No shoes! No service!

(Your guardian will not take you anywhere unless you are fully clothed)

(They don't want sweat feet in their interiors)

(Or shirtless dudes either)

(This occasionally leads to being pulled over or attracting too much attention)

(MILES PUT A SHIRT ON!)

**Rule 153: **Do not encourage Wheeljack to make any sort of time travel device

(He built one to look like the Time Turner from Harry Potter)

(It worked too)

(Although we were warned not to screw up time too much)

(I use it to cut classes)

(SHHH!)

**Rule 154: **Purposely saying the follow to cause chaos is prohibited

"I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!" (Epps) (Several things happened in quick succession: Prowl glitched, fell on Sides who then knocked over Jolt, who hit Red Alert who ran off screaming)

"There are three things that are infinite: The universe, Human stupidity, and the number of zubats in a dark cave!" (Sam) (Yeah, that makes perfect sense)

"There is a fine line between genius and insanity ... like the two sides of the road, problem is, I swerve when I drive." (Tai) (She said this during a meeting)

**Rule 155: **Do not tried to get Prime to say "Sofa King…"

(He didn't get it for about one minute)

(When he realized what it was he froze)

(Everybody else was laughing hysterically)


	10. Chapter 10

**Rule 157: **Never take control of an Autobot's steering

(As it turns out, I suck at driving)

(Missed the turn completely when I was with Jolt)

(Just about proved cars can't fly)

**Rule 158: **Make sure you know the car is sentient before you start talking to it

(You'll only look like a crazy person if you don't)

(Have no idea how I managed to think the Mustang was 'Cade)

(When I tried to open the door it wouldn't move)

(So naturally I started yelling "OPEN YOU USELESS SLAG! OPEN!")

(Everybody passing by gave me funny looks)

(Turns out the real 'Cade was halfway across the lot)

**Rule 159: **Only reveal your existence in dire emergencies

(It's very difficult for some 'Bots)

(Especially when they want to be heroes)

(Know how hard it is for a tiny lil' thing like me to stop twenty foot tall robots from transforming?)

(Really hard)

**Rule 160: **Falling asleep on the job is not recommended

(Depending on what you're doing, you'll either redo it or spend an extra six hours on shift)

(This will cause scheduling delays)

(Not to mention high stress levels)

(For your own sanity, always get enough sleep)

**Rule 161: **Don't say "yes" repeatedly

("Yes!")

("Yes!" "Yes!" "Yes!" "Yes!")

(Wheeljack has a permanent twitch in his optics)

**Rule 162: **Never tell people you can see the future

(Sam!)

(He always does this thing where he pretends to freak out and then rubs his temples, muttering under his breath)

("I sense…a disturbance in the force")

(Look, Cube Brain you may have all the 'knowledge' but you're not psychic!)

**Rule 163: **If someone asks you for someone, don't proceed to hand them useless items

(Sunny and Sides do this many times to Prowl)

(And the older 'Bots)

(I don't even know where they get that stuff)

**Rule 164: **"Damn his Vulcan hearing"

(Prowl hears all!)

(A group of us humans were planning a prank in a room we thought was empty)

(Ten seconds later Prowl shows up with this creepy smirk on his face)

(Damn)

**Rule 165: **Masks are banned from the base

(Miles, Sam…Lennox?)

(Ah, Halloween thou art insane and deliciously crazy)

**Rule 166: **Be patient in traffic jams

(None of the 'Bots are)

(As much as they try to be)

(Ironhide wanted to shoot all the cars in front of him)

(Sides often lives up to his name by broadsiding unsuspecting cars to 'clear a path')

**Rule 167: **Using the Lazy Song to get out of chores is pointless

(If nothing, it will increase your amount of work)

('Bee somehow succeeds though)

(Which reminds me…I need to know how…)

**Rule 168:** No more head desking!

(Ratchet is amazed our brains haven't turned to mush)

(So am I)

**Rule 169: **Silly Songs are banned

(Skids and Mudflap wouldn't stop singing 'Where is my Hairbrush?')

(I've taken a great liking to 'The Water Buffalo Song')

("Everybody's got a water buffalo, yours is fast and mine is slow!")

(Ha! Ha! Ha!)

**Rule 170: **Sedatives are not for personal use

(They are for medical usage only)

(There's also a limited supply)

(And there are several wrench marks on the walls too)

(Though it is useful to stop rampaging Twins)

**Rule 171: **Never mock an Autobot's paint job

(This is pretty obvious)

(Mock Sunny's and live, you gain anyone's respect)

(I was chased for about three hours around the base by Ratchet after I called him 'Dr. Spearmint')

**Rule 178: **Don't show Ratchet the X-Ray app

(He will wonder just how an Ipod can function like that)

(All the Ipod's have gone missing)

(The look on everyone's faces when I ran it along my arm was priceless)

**Rule 179: **Leave the bookshelf alone and no one gets hurt

(It's my bookshelf!)

(I spend hours rearranging the books out of sheer boredom)

(Do not mess it up!)

* * *

><p>I'm on a roll here! Two lists in a few days! Whoo-hoo!<p>

All right, little announcement here: It's one shot time...but I've got no idea which rule to write about...so, what are your suggestions?


	11. Chapter 11

Thank you Noella50811 for the first few rules!

* * *

><p><strong>Rule 180: <strong>Do not place bumper stickers on Sunstreaker, Red Alert, or Prowl

(Prowl wondered why everyone was staring at his fender)

(Optimus was not amused)

(Sunstreaker was furious about the amount of sticker gunk that'd probably ruin his beautiful image)

(The culprit's still at large)

**Rule 181: **Do not go into Sunstreaker's quarters

(I wandered into Sunstreaker's quarters because the door was open.)

(You won't believe what I found in his quarters.)

(He had paint cans all over the place, giant canvas paper, and small collectibles.)

(Who knew he was into antiques from the old days?)

(Sunstreaker marched in and started threatening me to get out)

**Rule 182: **Do not dress up as a Decepticon on Halloween

(Red Alert, being the paranoid 'Bot he was, set off the entire alarm system on base)

(The entire base went on lockdown)

(Every Autobot chased me around the base before Optimus Prime cornered me and demanded an explanation.)

(Prowl threatened to lock me up in the brig in that costume)

(Ironhide threatened to shoot me out of one of his cannons if I pulled a stunt like that again)

(I had to explain that it was Halloween)

(That didn't convince them enough)

(I was forced to be 'supervised' by Prowl so I didn't eat all the candy in one night)

(Next time I'll go for the more innocent approach)

**Rule 183: **Do not try to sneak candy bars or hard candy into the base

(Ratchet had a fit when he saw my bag of candy from Halloween)

(I convinced him I wouldn't eat it all in one night)

(Of course he didn't believe me and took my bag of candy anyway)

(Got rid of the hard candy claiming it'd ruin my teeth)

(Not that chocolate would make a difference)

(But I'm not telling him that)

**Rule 184: **Toothpaste is for teeth only

(It's official)

(I'm surrounded by incompetent morons)

(It might be cute when you're five but no when you're twenty!)

(Even Annabelle has more sense than that)

**Rule 185: **If someone talks too fast don't say "Slow down it's like you're speaking some other language!"

(You all know who you are!)

**Rule 186: **Never mess around with the main breaker

(I'm surprised they don't keep this hidden better)

(Miles, Sam and I discovered it in what appeared to be a janitor's closet)

(Naturally we started flicking random switches without realizing who or what was affected)

(Turns out the lights in the Med Bay were flickering)

(The rec room TV shut off)

**Rule 187: **Don't try to sneak out after midnight

(Red Alert activates the alarm system at night)

(He's very paranoid)

(So, imagine how I felt when I sneak outside only to have sirens and lights flash!)

(There were also missiles and other weird traps)

**Rule 188: **No need to kidnap the people you need to talk to!

(Jazz)

(It's perfectly acceptable to just talk without scaring people)

(Well, I personally think that solider kinda deserved it)

**Rule 189: **Don't quote Dick Figures

"I'm a planet!" (Yeah...)

"Oh sick loot! Ding!" (Leo) (Not sure what was so wonderful about finding Monopoly money in the couch)

"I found a crossbow!"

"You fool! You are outnumbered! The Crimson Empire will surely fall!" (Sunny) (He and Sides were playing video games again)

"Love is the most painful thing…ever." (Miles) (Don't ask)

*Gasp* "You slut!" (It's just something random to say)

"Activating day vision goggles." (Tai) "Those are binoculars." (Me)

"WHOO! Now that's a fiya!" (Me) (This is after a huge explosion)

"Tonight you become a man" (Lennox) (To the new soldiers who are complaining)

"You know I love pissing you off." (Barricade) (He and Tai: A crazy pair)

"BOOM! HEADSHOT! KILLING SPREE! RUNNING RIOT! KILLTACULAR! I'M BATMAN!" (Yet another video game marathon)

**Rule 190: **Go easy on the motivational speeches

(Sometimes they do more damage than help)

(Take a certain paranoid 'Bot for example)

(He was acting all crazy for a few days so a couple of us decided to ease his troubles)

(That did not go well at all)

**Rule 191: **No more soda chugging contests

(Or any sort of liquid either)

(Miles and Sam ended up puking after they drank two bottles of Coke each)

(Ratchet said he wasn't gonna help them)

**Rule 192: **Never install the 'Clapper' in any of the rooms

(It was cool the first time)

(Not a thousand times afterwards!)

(I think I have a headache now)

**Rule 193: **Prank calls are prohibited

(Especially the preprogramed ones that use celebrities' voices)

(Poor Miles thought Angelina Jolie was actually calling him)

(I felt a little sorry for him)

(Emphasis on the _little_)

**Rule 194: **Never under any circumstances tip a box of marbles down the hall during an emergency

(But it was so fun!)

(Although Wheeljack can't look at Ultra Magnus properly anymore)

(Not without shuddering violently)

**Rule 195: **Do not attempt to out Badass Ironhide

(Odds are, you will fail)

(And you will be utterly humiliated)

**Rule 196: **Never call Prowl "Spock"

(He doesn't get it)

(I turned to him with a serious face and said, "That is illogical")

(He fell faster than tree being chopped down by a bunny)


	12. Chapter 12

Ta-da! New list!

Thank you to: _Supergirlprime, Noella50881, Arsenal18_ for the rule ideas! **  
><strong>

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><p><strong>Rule 197: <strong>Don't send Galloway through Interdimensional portals

(It seemed like a good idea at the time)

(Came back screaming "The end is near!" though)

(He's been in therapy for the past month)

(Good)

**Rule 198: **Never paint over an Autobot's optics

(They can't see)

(Plus the Lambo Twins started say stupid things like "Trippin'!" over and over)

(Will somebody smack them please?)

**Rule 199: **Brass instruments are banned

(Yeah)

(Let's not go there)

(All I'm gonna say is that Miles regrets it big time)

**Rule 200: **Don't get yourself impounded

(Poor Ironhide)

(Almost made Prime short circuit when he got the distress call)

(We still mock him for it)

**Rule 201: **When the floor's been waxed, don't go sliding on it

(I just had to try out my new socks!)

(So I started skating around)

(I collided with Sam who crashed into the wall)

(Bumblebee's been mad at me for two weeks now)

**Rule 202: **Marshmallow guns are for the human sector only

(Marshmallows can gum up the Autobot's gears)

(Not like it made a difference though)

(A bunch of us hid in various places and shot any passing 'Bots)

(They never found us)

**Rule 203: **If you're having a bon fire, inform your superiors

(Wheeljack thought we were having some kind of crazy ritual)

(So he dumped a huge amount of water on it)

(And us)

(Any lighters and firewood have been placed under lock and key in the Med Bay)

**Rule 204: **Never say the following to annoy Galloway specifically

"I fight giant robots, what do you do?" (Lennox) (There's a hidden meaning to this)

"Yes of course you're a total mental case. Did you expect me to say you're sane? I mean you're brandishing that pencil there in a threatening manner" (Miles) (Galloway was going on one of his rants again)

"My life's full of drama, action, mayhem, and misery so don't go bitching to me about your problems!" (Sam) (He was sent away for some quiet time)

"I SHALL PWN YOU!" (Me) (I even leapt at him with a Nerf sword)

"In perfect world, no one would have to deal with you." (Epps) (He didn't actually _say _it to him)

"GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE I SIC MY CAR ON YOOOOOUUU!" (Tai) (Yeah….) (Optimus gave her another one of his "talks")

"If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?" (We say this to shut him up) (It often works)

**Rule 205: **Don't hack government systems just because you can

(All 'Bots)

(Most of all the twins)

(One of them made a bunch of silhouettes of women pop up whenever someone logged onto the system)

(There's a list of people waiting to punish them)

(I'm tenth)

(Drat)

**Rule 206: **No random dancing

(Ultra Magnus thought I was spasming)

(So he tried to take me to see Ratchet)

(He almost ended up there instead of me)

(Dad was pleased)

**Rule 207: **Don't hide in Optimus' trailer

(It's very stupid)

(But hey, what they don't know won't hurt them right?)

(Nobody knew where I was for three hours)

(It's kinda dark though…)

**Rule 208: **You cannot go on strike

(Sunny and Sides were disappointed)

(They were going to demanded better job benefits)

(The femmes put an end to that)

**Rule 209: **Attempting to cheat on tests gets you grounded for weeks

(I was caught by my teacher while cheating on a test)

(Of course when they called Dad I wasn't too concerned)

(I started giggling)

(I mean, why would he ground me over annoying humans?)

(Suckers!)

**Rule 210: **Don't let Prowl hear you say, 'That's not fair', 'I didn't do it!', or 'I'm innocent'.

(Red Alert has security cameras all over the base, recording everything that goes on)

(Prowl is able to prove that you did do something and will show it to you)

(Once shown the video of your 'crime', he throws you into the brig)

(They really need to clean the place)

**Rule 211: **Wheeljack is not allowed to create colouring changing nanites

(Someone put some on Sunny)

(He started changing colour with each mood)

(Epps ended up getting some on him)

(He was blue and hid in Hatchet's Med Bay)

(No one's seen him for a while)

**Rule 212: **No taping kick/kiss my aft on to anyone's back. (Humans and Autobots alike)

(Someone put a "kiss" one on Prowl)

(Whenever people saw it they blow air kisses at him)

(Even some of the 'Bots joined in)

(He couldn't understand for the longest time)

(Well until Bluestreak utterly ruined it for everyone)

**Rule 213: **No fake rubber animals of any kind

(Miles put a whole bunch of fake alligators in the toilets)

(A soldier ran out screaming some about privacy invading green monsters)

(I was asked what was going on)

(I said nothing)


	13. Chapter 13

Thank you MISCrasyaboutfanfics, Noella50881, Supergirlprime, Dragoncrazed and Hummergrey for rule ideas and inspiration!

I've got an important poll on my profile that will alter the course of Dysfunctional Family and even this story so vote now!

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><p><strong>Rule 214: <strong>Certain Disney movies can only be watched if certain 'Bots are not in the room with you.

Sleeping Beauty (Poor Red Alert is now scared of green light after seeing Maleficent onscreen)(Sideswipe and Sunstreaker have tried to make the other Autobots' paint schemes change between two different colours)

Aladdin (Wheeljack tried to make his own magic carpet) (I was so stoked but when I nearly collided with Ironhide, Dad has suddenly become very protective of me)

Pinocchio (Something to do with the scene where the boys have turned into donkeys caused Prowl to glitch)

Snow White and the 7 dwarves (Once again, Red Alert freaked out about the trees looking like monsters in the scene where Snow White runs through the woods)(Peaches simply laughed at him)(Ratchet has now banned apples until further notice)

**Rule 215: **Don't scare new Autobots with urban legends.

(I was telling an urban legend about the man with a hook to one of my friends.)

(A new Autobot happened to be in the room and overheard the urban legend.)

(He ran out screaming about his paint being slashed by a metal hook.)

(Optimus wasn't pleased with me)

**Rule 216: **Don't make Galloway faint!

(Even Ratchet will hesitate to "fix" him)

(We were gonna just leave him there)

(But it'd be bad for Human Autobot relationships)

**Rule 217: **No Farting Contests.

(Bean burrito night)

(Several Autobots have a better sense of "smell" than humans.)

(The winner was the person who could go the longest breathing through their nose)

(Three bots glitched. 2 humans fainted)

(Little did they know I was wearing nose plugs)

(But I still lost)

**Rule 218: **Otherworldly pets are banned

(Wheeljack has this weird collection in his lab)

(They bite a lot)

(I'm too scared to go near them)

(Especially when one of them spits acid)

**Rule 219: **Only pull rank if necessary

(Optimus caught Ratchet overcharged on high grade)

(So he pulled a Prime and ordered him on "house arrest" for a week)

(Red Alert stole his private stash and hid it)

(He refuses to tell anyone where)

**Rule 220: **Quoting Howl's Moving Castle is now allowed

(Not that we follow any of these rules)

(I like this movie dangnabbit!)

"I'd appreciate it, if you didn't torment my friend." (Me) (Sunstreaker was trying to squish Beta again)

"Don't be alarmed but I'm being followed. Act normal." (Sides) (That's comforting!)

"I give up. I see no point in living if I can't be beautiful." (Sunny) (Someone messed up his paint again)

"Here's another curse: may all your bacon burn." (Tai) (She was no having a good morning)

"No! No! No! Don't do this! Help! Help! Crazy lady with a shovel!" (Jolt) (Sarah Lennox is scary when she's mad)

"Wait a minute you're all gonna eat while I do all the work?"

"You sound ghastly, like some ninety year old woman!" (Ah, having a cold sucks)

**Rule 221: **When someone won't shut up, don't grab their lips and ask "Anyone got a stapler?"

(Prowl glitched again)

(As did Prime)

(And Ironhide)

(Ratchet just laughed and actually handed me one)

(That was scary)

**Rule 222: **Never challenge an Autobot to a staring contest

(Chances are your eyes will start watering)

(Then you'll twitch)

(And then you lose)

**Rule 223: **Don't try to imitate any Autobots

(When they catch you doing this don't reply "I wanna be just like you")

(Some will take this too literally)

(Especially the Lambo Twins)

**Rule 224: **Yelling at the TV is not a good idea

(Sam and I started arguing with characters in Big Bang Theory)

(Needless to say we got a few stares)

(But it was fun anyway)

**Rule 225: **The Sparkly Eye Technique will not work!

(Well, unless you're Bumblebee)

(In which case it's kinda hard to resist)

(Damn that little buzz 'Bot!)

(He made me give back the cookies I snitched)

(Grrr….it's so hard not to get mad at him)

**Rule 226: **Never steal or take candy from the younglings

(Odds are, there will be lots of screaming)

(And you will be punished)

(And possibly duct taped and welded to the ceiling)

**Rule 227: **Don't use a rock as a phone

(I couldn't find my real one)

("Hello? Hello? WHAT'S WRONG WITH THIS THING?")

(I tossed it at Skids)

**Rule 228: **Tossing a blanket over your head does not make you invisible

(But it's fun!)

(Miles did this to avoid Bluestreak after the "Incident")

(Bluestreak knew where he was the whole time)

(But he was just toying with him)

**Rule 229: **You are not allowed to hang car air fresheners all over your guardian

('Bee smelled like cinnamon for three weeks)

('Cade didn't fare well either)

(He smelled like pine)

(We call him Christmas Tree behind his back)

**Rule 230: **Never steal the Matrix

(I have no idea how Sunny and Sides even accomplished that)

(Prime was so fragged off)

(It didn't help when Sunny held it over his head yelling "I'VE GOT THE POWER!")

(They haven't been seen in a week)


	14. Chapter 14

Thanks to MISCrasyaboutfanfics, Noella50881, and Zimoku

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><p><strong>Rule 231: <strong>Please do not take Peaches' stuffed animals of Disney characters!

(She does not care that she's 19 years old in human years)

(And she will hunt down the next person who takes them that is not Annabelle, Abby or Crystal)

(Plus what were you doing in her room in the first place?)

**Rule 232: **Please never say the following around the Autobots

"I didn't lose my mind. I sold it on eBay!" (Optimus took that literally the last time someone said that)

"Headaches are like excuses. Everyone has them" (Sadly, Prowl agrees that that's true)

"Di-Hydrogen Monoxide, one of the world's most dangerous substances." (For beings with computers in their heads, they're not too bright sometimes)

"It's a trap!" (You get the picture)

"Instability is a way of life, without it, we are merely psychotic chickens." (This has become the secondary NEST slogan)

**Rule 233: **No skateboarding around the base

(Well, this is mostly for those who can't and shouldn't)

(I swear I didn't see the wall in front of me!)

(Who puts a wall in the middle of a room anyway?)

**Rule 234: **Don't let Wheelie have electric scissors

(Bad robot! Bad! Bad! Bad!)

(No, don't go near that!)

(Fragging little bugger)

**Rule 235: **Telling the Autobots it's raining cats and dogs will cause mass hysteria

(Red Alert started running around in circles)

(Prowl glitched…again)

(Ironhide was slightly ecstatic for some reason)

(He's so violent!)

**Rule 236: **Candy does not grow on trees!

(This is Skids and Mudflap attempting to be 'creative')

(They stole all the candy on the base during the night)

(When all the humans started complaining they simply smirked)

(We went outside to find candy glued to a bunch of trees)

(I faceplamed)

(As did everyone else)

**Rule 237: **Never mess with Dino

(He's got blades he does)

(Not to mention he'll stalk you all day)

(I learned that the hard way)

(Good thing I've still got _my _swords)

**Rule 238: **Under no circumstances should Red Alert be informed about microorganisms

(Miles, I swear I'll knock you into next week for this!)

(You just had to tell him about the bed bugs didn't you?)

(Thanks to him we have mandatory quarters inspections)

(_Daily _quarters inspections)

**Rule 239: **The Autobots do not need giant calculators

(But it was hard for anyone to say no to Annabelle)

(She went around handing one any 'Bot she came across)

(It's the thought that counts…I guess)

**Rule 240: **When you come home from school always complete homework first

(I came home with a boatload of homework to do)

(Every Autobot kept reminding me every time I put it off)

(I dismissed it by saying, "Yeah, yeah, sure, whatever" and watched TV instead)

(Prowl walked into the Rec Room and saw my stuff lying on the floor)

(He already knew what my answer was)

(I'm now supervised whenever I do homework now)

(The giant robot is really distracting!)

**Rule 241: **Hockey sticks are not guns

(Blame this on all the guys)

(They were staging a zombie war in the rec room)

(None of the 'Bots saw the logic in this)

(Neither do I)

**Rule 242: **Don't use any dangerous Cybertronian tools without permission

(It leads to disaster)

(Also, Ratchet will definitely get on your case about it)

(Which will undoubtedly mean you'll wind up having a month of scans and mentality tests)

**Rule 243: **Never put up a sign that says "You must be this short to enter" outside the human sector

(It annoys the 'Bots to no end)

(But hey, we organics gotta have our own private space)

(I mean, come on, the 'Bots get like three quarters of the rest!)

**Rule 244: **Never leave Brains or Wheelie outside in the rain

(Chances are they'll never let it go)

(I had to listen to Wheelie complain about rust for three hours)

(Curse you Sam!)

(Just my luck he was working so much and I got stuck babysitting them)

**Rule 245: **During sporting events the following are not allowed

Debates (This leads to huge arguments over whose team is better) (And a possible food fight)

Talking too much (I got shushed about twenty times)

Making the unhealthiest dish imaginable (Ratchet went on a rampage when he found out what we were eating) (I still have his wrench!)

**Rule 246: **Make sure to keep Miles or Leo away from the brig

(They always torture the 'Cons in there)

(Not that that's a bad thing but some of their methods are…a bit odd)

(Plus there have been more than enough incidents where some prisoners were almost set loose)

**Rule 247: **Never go speed through the halls

(Prowl was soooo mad)

(I think just about everyone broke the rules that day)

(Prime gave all the 'Bots severe lectures about harming humans)

(We were all fine, I swear)

(Except maybe Sam)

(He's still recovering and 'Bee refuses to let him near any of the other 'Bots)


	15. Rule 158

A lovely one shot about Rule 158, it's been change a little but I think it fits nicely. Thank you hummergrey for the idea

**Disclaimer: **I own Beta and Tryant.

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><p>It was a peaceful fall evening in downtown Tranquility. Families were strolling about the streets, discussing their daily lives, what meals they were planning. Groups of teens chatted about weekend plans, parties and gossip. All in all, it was a cheerful atmosphere.<p>

Unfortunately, not everyone was enjoying themselves. A pale skinned girl clad in black emerged from a tiny general store. She glanced in both directs, squinting under the glare of the setting sun. Azura scowled briefly before withdrawing a cell phone.

"Answer you slagger!" she muttered, punching the numbers. She knew she should never have trusted Barricade to simply sit around and wait for her. He was always impatient, disappearing for hours at a time then returning as though nothing had happened. Azura placed the phone to her ear and waited.

She tapped her foot impatiently against the sidewalk, passer-by's sent the Techno Organic bizarre glances. Ignoring the audience she was unintentionally receiving Azura bit a manicured fingernail. There was no answer after six rings. With a defeated sigh she hung up.

"Beta, I don't suppose you could suddenly morph into a GPS?" she asked the inert cellular device. For a moment it didn't acknowledge her words. Why would it? It was just a plain old phone. Or so it seemed. The tiny phone shivered before _transforming _into a multi-limbed mechanical spider. A series of rapid chirps emitted from the miniature being as it waved two of its legs at her.

"Oh come on. You're an advanced robot and you can't track things down?" she begged. The spider jumped up and down on her palm. It scurried up her arm chattering away as though it was chastising her.

"I do not!" Azura protested at one particular sentence. "I have a perfect sense of direction." She received a deadpanned squeak. "You little bugger." The phone seemed to radiate smugness as it settled on her shoulder. The Techno Organic started walking down the street, keeping to herself as much as possible. Beta leaned against her neck, obscured by her dark hair. Every so often Azura would stop in her tracks and search the streets for any sign of the black Mustang. As she kept walking the streets appeared to become more and more silent. Garbage whisked up by a slight breeze flew across her path like tumbleweed. Azura shuddered involuntarily, rubbing her left arm as goosebumps appeared on the skin. She didn't feel anything her mechanical arm of course as it had a sort of built in temperature regulator.

"Beta, I don't see him" she whispered to her companion. She felt him jab her lightly in the neck. Azura scoffed but paid no attention to Beta's antics. She grabbed him from her hair and sat him in the centre of her palm. Without so much as a chirrup, the spider morphed back into a phone. Her eyes widened at the sight of the time. It was ten thirty. She had half an hour to return to base.

_Oh I'm slagged. _She groaned mentally. Azura pocketed Beta and broke into a run. _Cade I'm going to smash your windows, headlights, slash your tires and then draw smiley faces all over your windshield! _

She flicked the hair behind her ear as it fell into her face with each step. The Techno Organic was glad she only brought a small purse rather than a messenger bag. It would be much easier to run faster.

_**1010101**_

Sam awoke abruptly to the blaring sound of _Ode to Joy. _He let out a startled cry, nearly falling backwards into his seat. The music was cut off by a recorded laugh track. Sam glared at the dashboard.

"Thanks very much 'Bee." He muttered, rubbing the back of his head. "Couldn't you just, I dunno, tap me on the shoulder?"

The car frame vibrated in the equivalent of Cybertronian laughter. "Well, that'd be a little more difficult wouldn't it?" A static voice emitted from the speakers. Sam crossed his arms and scowled. He had saved the world and what did he get a crazy car that enjoyed torturing people with classical music.

"Yeah, whatever." He muttered. "So, why'd you wake me up?"

There was a small silence before the Camaro replied. "What time is it Mr. Wolf?" A child's voice answered. The boy raised an eyebrow for a moment before checking his watch.

"Oh schiznits!" he cursed. "Dude, why didn't you wake me up sooner?"

'Bee responded simply by gunning the engine and tearing down the street.

_**101010101 **_

Azura cursed as she approached the parked Mustang. "There you are!" she exclaimed, snatching the handle. The Techno Organic, expecting the door to simple open, tugged hard. It wouldn't budge. Her features darkened.

"All right, very funny 'Cade," Azura muttered, her teeth grinding together. "Open up."

She gave the handle a few fruitless tugs but nothing happened. The Techno Organic stepped back, hands on her hips. Her eyes narrowed. "Seriously, you're giving me the silent treatment?"

There was no answer, just a stationary vehicle. Azura bit her lip. "This isn't because I spray painted your windshield is it?" she asked. "Because, in actuality, Tai dared me to."

The Mustang remained silent. Azura rolled her eyes. "Fine, act that way." She muttered, pulling out Beta. "I'll just call someone _else _to pick me up." Azura scrolled through her contacts before settling on the one labelled SUNNYSIDE. She only used it in dire emergencies.

"The Twins are gonna mock me for this, I just know it." She sighed, waiting for an answer. After a few minutes there was nothing. Azura took the phone away from her ear and glared at it. "No signal?"

She resisted the urge to toss the cell phone to the road below since Beta probably would not appreciate it. However, that didn't stop her from nearly squishing it in her fist. The phone let out an indignant squeak before transforming into its mechanical spider form. Azura, startled by this, dropped him. Beta landed neatly next to her foot, waving its tiny limbs frantically while cursing her out with a series of chirrups and beeps. She ignored the phone's protests and leaned over the car's hood.

"Come on," she whispered in a tone she rarely used. "Just open the door please?" She tapped the window to elict some kind of reaction. All was still. Azura straightened and check her watch. She now had fifteen minutes before somebody noticed she was absent. Ever since all the humans on base decided to freak out the 'Bots by arriving home way beyond curfew, it was mandatory for everyone to show up at exactly 11:00pm or be subjected to harsh punishments. After all the insanity, no one was in the mood to have a lecture followed by cleaning the base for a week. Azura was sure she would end up with said punishments. "You're gonna get me grounded 'Cade." She growled through gritted teeth. Beta had scurried up her leg while she had been preoccupied and was now latched onto her arm. Azura paid him no attention, it wasn't the time.

"I swear, revenge shall me mine!" she yelled, scaring a passer-by who promptly ran away.

_**1010101**_

They had arrived just in the nick of time. Any sooner and they may have ended up on monitor duty (which was incredibly tedious). Sam dove out of the Camaro as it came to a screeching halt outside the building.

"Ground!" he exclaimed, lying face down on the pavement. "Never go warp speed 'Bee."

Bumblebee transformed, shaking his head at his dramatic charge. "Get yer lazy carcass off the ground!" a drill sergeant's voice echoed from his speakers. Sam raised his head a little glaring at the yellow 'Bot.

"Yeah sure, laugh at my misery." He groaned, pulling himself up. Sam dusted off his clothes and stood up. "I will now leave in a dignified manner." He straightened his shoulders and ran inside.

The rec room was utterly silent as several humans were lined up against the wall, twitching nervously. Although they had been accustomed to the daily insanity of living in a secret government facility, it still annoyed them to no end whenever any of the 'Bots went on a paranoid streak. Then the place turned into some kind of prison.

"Man, where are the days where we weren't treated like kids?" Lennox muttered to Epps who stood arms crossed next to him. "I mean, sure, I understand _some _people need a curfew just when did it need to apply to us?"

"You're complain' about that? Try havin' a twenty foot tall robot put a trackin' device down your shirt without you noticin' til you're at a bar and a holoform comes in and drags your ass out." Epps replied in irritation. He never let Wheeljack hear the end of it afterwards.

"Seriously, he did that?" Lennox asked, raising an eyebrow. His partner looked away in embarrassment, nodding slightly.

"He still has it too." Epps muttered, fidgeting with the tiny device sewn to his shirt sleeve. "Damn thing is indestructible."

Lennox rolled his eyes. "At least you don't have to worry about a paranoid truck that scares away the babysitters so you'll have to stay home." He said. It had happened too many times to count. Sarah was a scary woman with a shovel.

"Gee, aren't you guys lucky," a voice piped up. The two men turned to see Sam leaning casually against the wall.

Lennox eyed him with an amused expression. "Oh really? And just what exactly did you get?" he asked, crossing his arms.

Sam made a show of inspecting his fingernails before replying. "I was stuck being stalked by 'Bee and had to watch all those annoying safety commercials from like, thirty years ago"

"That's it?" Will exclaimed. "A little babysitting and TV shows? If that's the new torture system sign me up!"

The boy frowned as the two men burst out laughing. "Gee Sam, that's harsh!" Epps chuckled. "Watchin' TV as a form of punishment. What has the world come too?"

"It was horrible! All that cheesy music!" Sam protested. But his previous words had already sunk in. "Sam keep your mouth shut..." he muttered dryly.

A little ways away certain SIC was doubling checking the attendance records for the twentieth time. "Hmmmm…it appears we have a truant on our hands."

_**101010101 **_

Azura was starting to get really fragged off and it was starting to show. She was now pacing back and forth in front of the inert Mustang who refused to open the bloody fragging door. Her fists were clenched, eyes narrowed.

"Stupid car…stupid car…" she muttered to herself. "He thinks this is so funny…ha ha who's laughing now?"

The Techno Organic was sinking into 'hysterical, insane mode'. "Give me one good reason you fragger…I'll scratch your paint up!" Her eye started twitching. Beta ever accustomed to the Techno Organics rants, simply sat on the hood of the non-responsive car watching her pace. It was safer that way least he ends up crunched again.

"Just my luck the stupid signal runs out when I need it" Azura continued to be oblivious to her surroundings. She whirled around on the Mustang and yanked on the door handle again. "USELESS SLAG OPEN DAMN IT!"

Of course, nothing as usual! She kicked a booted foot at the closest tire, the impact making a small ping noise. "Why did you pick now to be so evil? Be evil later! When I'm not gonna be grounded because of this!" She waved her arms frantically.

"OK, calm down, freaking out isn't gonna help." Azura muttered, rubbing her temples. "Just calm down, things will be fine…" Her voice cracked a little. "Aw who am I kidding? Prowl's gonna lock me in the brig for a week!" She sunk to the ground in a miserable heap. Beta crawled over to the miserable Techno Organic, gently prodding her arm with tiny leg.

"Not now Beta, I'm wallowing in my misery." She groaned, shoving the phone aside. It persisted however, and nudged her hand. Azura glanced up at the mechanical spider. "What now?"

Beta pointed in towards the left end of the street. She followed its gesture only to nearly offline in shock. Azura immediately stood up and raced down the street at full speed, Beta clinging for dear life to her jacket. "YOUUUU!" she shrieked hysterically.

The familiar black Mustang emblazoned with a mean skull was practically radiating smugness. "It took you long enough."

Azura stopped mere inches from the grill and glared down at the disguised car. "You. Made. Me. Miss. Curfew!" her voice was cracked with a slight crazed tone.

"Not my fault you're dull processored." The ex-con sunk on his tires.

"That's beside the point! Now I'm gonna be so sla-..." she trailed off as a white police car came speeding around the corner. "Slagged..."

The Techno Organic reached forward, yanking furiously on the door latch. "You know what? Never mind what I said, open the door!" By now all anger had been forgotten and replaced by hysterics. Unfortunately, the Mustang seemed to be feeling a tad bit sadistic and refused to allow her entry.

"Say the magic word." The ex-Decepticon's tone suggested he was addressing a child rather than a girl barely emerging from adolescence. Her brow furrowed at his words.

"To heck with the magic words," she snapped. "If I don't get out of here there I might not live until my thirtieth birthday"

The car frame shuddered with what Azura perceived as laughter. "Well, you will be, as they say 'screwed' if you don't ask nicely."

Azura's optic flared brightly. By now her usual disguise had faded, revealing a mechanical arm and the delicate circuitry of her face. "Master of small words, here is nice!" she exclaimed, aim a swift kick to a tire. Suddenly the door flew open smacking her in the shins before slamming shut again.

"Watch where you're hitting things fleshling" Barricade growled threateningly.

She crossed her arms in a defiant gesture. "Wouldn't have to if you let me in!" she retorted. "Now open the fragging door or I'm telling Prowl it's your fault I'm late!" This was her last effort attempt, all or nothing. If that didn't work, well, as the cruiser approached the pair, things would get ugly. Azura was not in the mood to clean the floor with a toothbrush again.

"You would dare…" the black Mustang replied icily.

"Oh would I?" Azura asked in an innocent voice. "Watch me"

For a moment he considered abandoning her to the rule abiding SIC and fleeing the scene. However, that option appeared bleak at best since Azura would carry out her threat of blaming him. _That little slagging cheeky pint size! _He cursed.

"Fine, but only this time." He muttered in defeat. Azura grinned widely as she yanked the door open and slid onto the seat.

"Thank you" she said cheerily.

"Shut up and let me drive."

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><p>The End!<p>

Need more rule ideas, I'm running out of things

Announcement: There is more to come from this story. Be sure to keep an eye out for Attendance Record in the following weeks. Plus an update on _Dysfunctional Family: Origins, _which will simply be called Origins. (yes I got my ideas back)


	16. Chapter 16

**Rule 248: **Don't fake a sickness to get out of school or meetings.

(I faked a sickness because I just didn't feel like going to school)

(I was allowed to stay home but spending all day in the Med Bay?)

(Not worth it)

(I won't try that again)

(Especially the lecture I got afterwards)

**Rule 249: **Never leave toys lying around

(Having a twenty foot tall robot nearly fall on you is not pretty)

(I think we might need a new base soon)

(The floor in the rec room was too dented for people to walk on)

(Plus Ratchet says he doesn't cure stupidity)

**Rule 250: **Jolt is not an electrical outlet

(Anything you ask him to charge will be fried)

(Lennox was in hysterics when his Ipad got singed)

(Beta doesn't go near Jolt anymore)

**Rule 251: **All clubs and organizations are to be approved before establishment

(Prowl made me write this one)

(All the soldiers started making up ridiculous clubs out of sheer amusement)

Shorty Club (any under the height of say, ten feet)

Glitcher's of the World Club (those who make Prowl glitch too many times)

Pranker's Society (this is self-explanatory)

Energon Anonymous

Twenty Feet Tall and Badass (The older 'Bots got back at us for the Shorty thing)

**Rule 252: **Never make your charge wear a "property of (insert name)" shirt

(I was greatly opposed to this)

(So were several of the other 'Bots)

('Bee only does this so Skids and Mudflap will stop stalking Sam)

(Well, and to ward to the Lambo Twins too)

**Rule 253: **Always read every email you receive

(Ratchet tends to flip out if you purposely miss your monthly check ups)

(Prowl also gets on your case should you be careless)

(Several of us learned the hard way)

(Especially Optimus)

**Rule 254: **Furbies have been infinitely banned from the base

(Wheeljack actually believes the story that they have sensitive hearing to record stuff)

(So he used part of the NEST budget to buy a couple hundred of them)

(The Twins let them loose everywhere)

(There is at least one Furbie in each room now)

(I took the batteries out of a purple one to make it shut up)

(It still says random phrases even after that)

**Rule 255: **Don't take advantage of sleep aid medication

(You will not be treated for stupidity)

(And depending on what you're doing, you'll have to make up for it somehow)

**Rule 256: **If you destroy a wall, don't cover it up

(It tends to get weird reactions out of the 'Bots)

(There's a giant hole in the rec room but it's covered by a huge painting)

(That would be Ironhide's fault)

**Rule 257: **Be aware

(You heard me!)

**Rule 258: **Nanny Cams are only for the younglings

(I don't need to have that freaky doll stare at me all night!)

(Threw a fit when I found out Tai got one that looked like the Vampire Teddy Bear in Nightmare before Christmas)

(Injustice I tell you!)

**Rule 259: **Leave the couples to their alone time

(Self-explanatory)

(Leo, Miles, Sam)

(Chromia tends to get very violent if you walk in)

(A femme version of Ironhide)

(You are screwed)

(Flee while you're still intact)

**Rule 260: **Carrying a bunch of pom-poms and tossing them at 'Bots is not allowed

(I made the mistake of calling them soot sprites)

(Even glued on googly eyes)

(Red Alert ran for his life)

(As did Bluestreak)

**Rule 261: **Never replace the shampoo with hair dye

(OK, it was funny when you targeted Galloway but did you have to do it to me?)

(Green is so not my colour!)

(Took me three weeks to get it out)

(I think I missed a spot)

**Rule 262: **If you make a promise, keep it

(If you don't, prepare for serious retribution)

(You know who you are)

(Lambo Twins)

(If you really can't stand me then don't volunteer to help me)

(Not that the Chevy Twins were any better)

(But at least they aren't so…what's the word...demented)

**Rule 263: **Don't criticize Sunny's artistry skills

(He will most likely find something to criticise you about)

(Like my fashion sense)

(And my robotic appearance)

(I sulked for about four hours when he told me that I was last season's model)

(Then I proceeded to chase him with a can of neon pink paint)

**Rule 264: **The new recruits are not your personal servants

(So Miles, stop asking them to arrange furniture for you)

(Lennox actually got a particularly eager recruit to cover Ironhide's alt mode in different coloured bows)

(It looked pretty awesome to be honest)


	17. Chapter 17

Thank you to Meowmeow98, Noella50881, and MissShelz for the rule ideas!

* * *

><p><strong>Rule 265: <strong>When your guardian or any of the 'Bots tell you to do something, do it.

(I was told to clean up my room because we were having special company)

(Well, I didn't clean my room and can you guess who the special company was?)

(Well it wasn't Galloway)

(But I still have no idea why I needed to clean up)

(It's not like they'll see anything)

(Who knew that Prowl and Red Alert would have put their glitched minds together and throw an inspection)

(I got lectured by Prowl right before he glitched along with Red Alert)

(I think I'll do what I'm told next time)

**Rule 266: **Don't take pictures of Autobots while in their respective forms and then post them on Facebook.

(I took a bunch of pictures of the Autobots while they were lounging around and drinking their daily Energon)

(I posted them on my Facebook page)

(Prowl found out, confiscated my computer, deleted my Facebook page, and all my social sites I visited)

(When I got my computer back, all my social sites were blocked along with chat rooms)

(Now I can't play my favourite games on Facebook)

(Optimus was happy to know that I had been taken care of)

(Prowl's punishment was worse)

(I'm still working on getting past his parental controls, but I'm not Soundwave)

**Rule 267: **No pretending that you are a mindless robot with robot speech patterns

(Don't ask how all the humans got into this)

(And the 'bots were very freaked out)

(All the humans were doing their activities normally)

(Except that they looked spaced out and talked weird)

(Query: where should I set the box down?)

(Try talking that and other questions in a monotone voice)

(Mass hysteria when Sam, Leo, Miles, and a bunch of others spoke together)

("Warning: danger: explosives detonated: please evacuate immediately")

(All 'bots were not amused after finding out)

**Rule 268:** No telling the 'bots that the world is going to end due to  
>6<br>sea level rising and flooding

(And pointing out that they are going to die since they can't swim due to their structure ad weight)

(Oh that was a bad idea)

(Red alert wanted to build a huge barrier around the base)

(Took weeks to calm him down)

**Rule 269:** If a 'Bot is acting unusual don't ask "What are you smoking and where can I get some?"

(Your sanity will be questioned)

(And you'll probably be lectured on the use of drugs)

(Even if the question was just really stupid to begin with)

(And you weren't serious)

**Rule 270: **Being motionless will in fact, draw more attention to you

(Let's face it, the 'Bots have sensors that can detect just about anything)

(What makes you think they can't see you?)

(I've tried it believe me…)

(Works on 'Cons occasionally though)

(Then again they never look up)

**Rule 271: **Silly String is banned from the 'Bot sector of NEST

(Chances are, there will be a huge mess to clean up afterwards)

(Your accomplices often abandon you in their haste to escape Prowl's wrath)

(May all your bacon burn you cowards!)

**Rule 272: **Keep track of time

(This is a life lesson)

(Should you fail to attempt, you should go back to the drone stage)

(For bad things will happen)

**Rule 273: **When babysitting always remember to keep _both _optics on the younglings

(I looked away for one second)

(One second!)

(Annabelle and Sparrow disappeared)

(Not wanting Tai or Ironhide to plan my demise I tore the base apart searching for them)

(It took me three hours to find them)

(They were sitting in the main hanger having a tea party)

(I think I took seven years off my life panicking)

**Rule 274:**Do not spray paint 'tattoos' on any 'Bot's alt forms

(It doesn't come off)

(Plus I got more lectures about the damages of painting cars with the wrong paint)

(Hey, that cute little Ravage chibi took me eight hours!)

**Rule 275: **Never hum the MI theme song or James Bond theme on a mission

(You'll be shushed violently)

('Bee doesn't really appreciate having background commentary either)

(Sunny almost flicked me into a tree when I wouldn't shut up)

**Rule 276: **"Live long and prosper" is not a recommended greeting for Prowl

(He glitched again)

(Still doesn't understand the whole hand thing)

(I think he remembered me calling him 'Spock')

**Rule 277: **All alien type movies are banned from the base

Independence Day (I was told by several Autobots they weren't here to invade the planet)

Men in Black (Yeaaahhh….creepy alien things did not go well with Red Alert)

Terminator (Me and Tai received funny looks all week after this) (There's a big difference you know!)

**Rule 278:** Don't bother explaining internet memes

(Stupid twins)

(IMMA FIRIN' MAH LAZAR!)

(They have got to stop saying that)

(Don't get me started on Pedo Bear)

(Or the other ones for that matter)

**Rule 279: **Never say the following for no particular reason

"Ever notice you never see the headline 'Psychic wins lottery'?" (Me to Sam) (He may be smarter but he can't see the future) (No matter how much he claims he can)

"I can't believe I'm related to a moron/dumbaft" (Both sets of twins) (Yeah, neither can we)

"So you think you've got it bad? I've never once been beautiful in my entire life!" (Simmons) (He was being episodic again)

"Give me one good reason why not!" (Oooh there are many reasons)

"I know you sleep with it" (A lame threat against the resident crazy 'Bots)

"This is so going on YouTube" (No, no it isn't)

"I told you, I don't know how!" (Miles) "Then start studying!" (Ratchet) (Miles trying to redeem himself when he was told he never learned common sense)

"At least your Dad doesn't lecture you about becoming an evil mastermind" (You know why!)

**Rule 280: **If you value your favourite food, never tell the 'Bots what's in it

(Jell-O has been removed from all cupboards ever since Ratchet found out how it's made)

(Same thing hot dogs)

(Of course the thing is, there are policies called the Health Code in existence)

(Didn't stop the Hatchet from replacing everything with veggies)

(He claimed 'You know what's in them')

**Rule 281: **Never underestimate any weapon you're given

(It looks like a pen, writes like a pen, but it's not a pen)

(The device fires death rays)

(That's not just a gun)

(It shoots acid and melts metal)

(Thanks Wheeljack)

(I can attack people with a writing utensil after I melt their car by accident)


	18. Chapter 18

Thank you to Noella50881 and MISCrasyaboutfanfics for rules 282 and 283

* * *

><p><strong>Rule 282: <strong>Don't tell any of the Dinobots that dragons exist.

(They really went on a rampage through the base looking for dragons that weren't there)

(Optimus was angry)

(Which was amazing, considering he's usually quite calm)

(Wheeljack threatened to use me as a test subject to one of his experiments)

(I was grounded for three weeks and Optimus ordered me to help clean the base)

(Wasn't my fault they believed me)

(Dinobots have a low intelligence)

(I didn't say that)

**Rule 283: **If Peaches is singing along to the radio while riding in another Autobot's vehicle mode, please don't stop her!

(It's her way of relieving stress)

(And it seems to work, according to Ratchet)

(Even if it annoys a few people)

(We all value are sanity thank you very much)

**Rule 284: **Noises should not be misinterpreted

(Too often are there times when the 'Bots mistake a noise for something else entirely)

(Like when they heard us laughing so hard we were screaming)

('Bee thought a 'Con was torturing us)

(So he rushed in, guns blazing)

(The room was scorched)

(As was my hair)

(Everyone laughed at my new haircut)

(I didn't have a choice!)

**Rule 285: **Never hide in the armory

(Ironhide does not appreciate any touching his weapons)

(Plus more often than not, nobody looks there)

(So you might end up spending a few days locked in a dark place)

(Leo developed claustrophobia overnight)

(When someone finally did open the door he ran out yelling "THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME!" over and over)

**Rule 286: **Don't use military vehicles to make forts

(Skids, Mudflap, Sunstreaker, Sideswipe)

(The soldiers get huffy when there's nothing to drive)

(Plus the twins have no concept of physics)

**Rule 287: **When Annabelle asks for an 'upgrade' on something, don't comply

(Wheeljack)

(You should know better than to modify her Tablet)

(It morphed into a multipurpose hover board)

(She loved it at first but it ended after she nearly collided with the Humvees)

(Ironhide wouldn't let her out of his sight afterwards)

(Well, first he blasted Wheeljack to kingdom come)

**Rule 288: **Never put a sparkling in charge of command

(I'm serious)

(Nothing good can come out of it)

(The excuse that the younglings need to 'learn life lessons' does not count)

(Although it was pretty funny when Sparrow threw a wrench at Sunny)

(She started yelling at him in sparkling language, scolding him for being lazy)

**Rule 289: **If you don't know what it is, don't use it

(I think we can agree to this)

(Sunny is such a klutz around dangerous equipment)

(He does it on purpose I just know it)

(Turns out the button he 'accidently' pressed turned Prowl into a sparkling)

(We tried not to laugh but it was so hard)

(He was kinda cute being so small)

(Well, until he bit Sunstreaker)

**Rule 290: **Glue is not a proper method of repairs

(It doesn't matter how afraid you are of Ratchet, shoddy work just makes him angrier)

(He _will _lecture you after he's thrown anything within arm's reach at you)

(Sometimes he does it while he's throwing things at you)

(Either way, just don't try repairing yourself)

**Rule 291: **Going along with your charge's insane requests will only lead to trouble

('Bee got stuck in a wall after Sam dared him to leap over a bunch of jets)

('Cade refused to come out of his quarters for a week after Tai car surfed on his roof)

(Not saying what happened to me)

**Rule 292: **Hitting on another mech's femme is forbidden

(This is mandatory for all single mechs)

(I won't name them so they can continue functioning)

(Let's just say it involves mistletoe and a stupid Skids)

**Rule 293: **Balloons are banned from the Rec Room

(The pieces can get jammed in gears, circuitry and other vital parts)

(Plus it makes them all paranoid when they hear them pop)

(Red Alert won't stop looking around wherever he goes)

**Rule 294: **The command centre is not a play area

(Sam, Tai, Miles, Leo, and I)

(We aren't allowed in the hangar anymore)

(This is Sam's fault)

(He started making airplane noises and running around in circles during a teleconference)

(Messed it up for all of us)

**Rule 295: **Beta is not your personal sidekick

(So stop stealing him for your little missions)

(I need a phone you know!)

(And if I find out that Beta has paint, mud, or scorch marks on him I will hunt you down)

(He's mine you hear!)

(MIIIINNNNEEE!)

**Rule 296: **Hiding behind someone important will not get you out of a punishment

(Sam)

(You may be an Autobot Human Ambassador but you're still an ordinary person)

(For the most part)

(So rank will solve nothing)

**Rule 297: **The Matrix should not be confused with the Matrix of Leadership

(I have no idea how this happened)

(The Matrix is clearly a computer world)

(The Matrix of Leadership is an ancient artefact)

(Get the difference?)

**Rule 298: **Never use plates as Frisbees

(They break easily)

(It's also a nightmare to clean up)

(I see evidence of the incident whenever I walk outside)

(Jolt is still mad at me for hitting his windshield)

(It was a small chip get over it already!)

* * *

><p>All right, so I'm a little stuck writing Attendance Record, so I've been reading other fan fictions to give me some inspiration but it's not going too well. So expect it to be up whenever I finish it which is...I have no idea.<p> 


	19. Chapter 19

I made this list entirely on my own, something I find quite amazing for some reason considering I was near writer's block...but anyway...go on and read the new list (and the author's note at the bottom)

* * *

><p><strong>Rule 299: <strong>Be careful when joking around as Autobots tend to take things literally

(Sam said, "The heat is killing me" one hot summer day)

('Bee squeaked and started panicking)

(Poor Sam)

(He was stuck on bed rest for a week)

(All the while 'Bee was in mother hen mode)

(Not a good combination)

**Rule 298: **No driving at crazy speeds in public

(Both sets of twins)

(It tends to freak people out)

(No, that barn did not jump out of the way on time)

(They're racked up quite the speeding records)

(And they wonder why there are so many budget cuts?)

**Rule 300: **Please be considerate with other's taste in music

('Cade hates classical music)

(I hate rap)

(Beta likes to mess with the radio whenever he gets the chance)

(I shoved him in my sock)

**Rule 301: **When telling anybot about a weird dream you had, remind them it wasn't real

(They already believe us to be a strange and baffling species)

(No need to tell them about the blue unicorns chasing you with Nerf guns)

(Or the one where you were falling…rapidly)

(More mentality tests)

**Rule 302: **If a human doesn't want you around, just leave them alone for a while

(This applies to everybot)

(We humans tend to lose our minds, _figuratively speaking_, when stressed)

(Miles had a time out)

(Go Sarah!)

**Rule 303: **Never nickname _any _of Ironhide's cannons after famous man made weapons

(He already thinks human weapons are primitive and weak)

(Also it kind of drives his temper up the wall)

(It wasn't my fault this time)

(Naturally he doesn't believe me…as usual)

**Rule 304: **Do not start a blog…

(Random strangers on the internet are already commenting on some of the posts)

(It's gaining popularity)

(To the point where news centres wanted to interview the creator)

(After this the site was promptly restricted to NEST members and 'Bots only)

**Rule 305: **Confession is the first step to admittance

(Oooh Red Alert was totally mad that day)

(As were the Lambo twins)

(I got locked in the brig as revenge)

(The keypad was too high up for me to reach so I was stuck sitting in a corner for six hours)

(I now have a hit list)

**Rule 306: **Never compare the liaison's job with Defense against the Dark Arts

(Well, it is cursed!)

(OK, so we aren't taught to kill vampires and whatnot)

(But still!)

(We've gone through at least ten)

(Per year)

(And NEST hasn't be around that long)

**Rule 307: **Tamper with anyone's phone/Ipod/laptop…etc. will result in severe consequences

(Wheeljack was only trying to be nice)

(But it only made things worse for Leo)

(All the folders went missing)

(And the icons on the desktop)

(Wheeljack had to buy him a new one)

(After Leo chucked it at his head)

(I feel sorry for him)

(Wheeljack that is)

**Rule 308: **Never eat while riding in any 'Bots alt mode

(Stains don't come out of leather seats easily)

(Also none of the 'Bots like having sauce smeared on their interiors)

(Sunstreaker is like a demon from the Pit if you even _think _about eating that sandwich)

(I've been dumped on the side of the road more often than not because of this)

(Plus it apparently lowers our attention span)

(According to certain 'Bots whom I shall not name)

**Rule 309: **Don't overdo it with perfume/Axe or other scented sprays

(It suffocates people)

(And 'Bots)

(You'll actually discover that it does not attract, but rather repels people)

(It's been labelled as a dangerous hazard)

(Still didn't stop me from throwing Axe grenades at 'Cons for sheer amusement)

**Rule 310: **Never switch all the daily reports

(Confusion on a mass scale)

(When Mearing received a stack of data pads written in only Cybergylphs, she threw a fit)

(Turns out the Chevy Twins rearranged everything so the reports would be put in the wrong sections)

(I stole some of those data pads)

(Under the floorboards if anyone wants them)

**Rule 311: **Candles are banned from the premises

(For various reasons)

Fire hazard (that's obvious) (Nothing like the Hatchet storming around the base snatching candles from all the rooms) (He claimed our primitive brains would just cause trouble) (Thanks Ratch, thanks)

Rituals (They research too much) (Yeah, I get that they're so fascinated by us but STOP WATCHING ALL THOSE DOCUMENTARIES RED ALERT!)

(The only exception is when the power goes out) (Which is never)

**Rule 312: **Never suggest the 'Bots wear any form of "jewellery"

(I shudder at the thought of Optimus wearing a giant dollar sign necklace)

('Bee looked cute with that chain hanging from his antennas)

(Sunny looked like some kind of pimp with those giant glittery rings)

(The Chevy twins are no longer allowed near human jewellery)

(Sarah hog tied them both when they stole her wedding ring)

**Rule 313: **Respect everybody's personal space

(Sitting close together is not necessary)

(Also we would kindly appreciate it if our wake-up call did not involve seeing a giant metal face in front of us)

(Ultra Magnus has a dent over his left optic)

(My fault but he deserved it)

(There are easier ways to wake us up you know!)

**Rule 314: **Never joke about injuries

(Ratchet will throw something at you)

(Even if you're human)

(It may not look too serious)

(But I would suggest going to the Med Bay anyhow)

(Personal experience)

* * *

><p>First off: I'm setting aside the new update for Origins until I can gather my thoughts again<p>

Second: I'm working on the first chapter of Attendance Record instead

Third: If you have any rule ideas, feel free to mention them!

*Thank you for reading this..End of Line*


	20. Chapter 20

Well, despite running low on inspiration, I made a list...somehow...anyway...yeah

Thanks to Noella50881 and szynka2496 for the rule ideas!

* * *

><p><strong>Rule 315: <strong>Don't let Red Alert watch any horror movies.

(He was convinced that Freddy Kruger was going get everyone if they slept or recharged so I didn't get to sleep)

(He locked down the base for the night in case Michael Myers managed to come in here)

(Then he glitched when I told him that it was our way of getting back at him)

(Ratchet wasn't happy. Optimus was amused and the twins thought this was great blackmail)

(Don't even let Prowl near horror movies either)

(He threw all Miles' DVD's in the incinerator)

(Threw me into the brig too)

(Secret stashes of horror movies in a private lock box everyone)

**Rule 316: **No laying out spike traps

(Especially when there are 'Bots with wheeled feet)

(Sideswipe was showing off how fast he could run)

(Naturally he didn't pay attention to the soldiers who leapt out of his way)

(So someone put a spike trap in his path)

(He left an impressive dent in the side of the hanger)

**Rule 317: **Use your own methods of scaring the twins

(Copying others may seem like a good idea)

(But trust me, it gets old)

(They've gotten smarter)

(There are only so many times you can scratch their paint before they start taunting you)

(That's when you bring out a blunt object)

**Rule 318: **Giant mirrors are not necessary

(Sunny!)

(You are so vain!)

(Stop saying "Mirror, Mirror on the wall" every time you see your bloody reflection!)

(Your ego is starting to become its own 'Bot)

(We don't need more of you)

(One's good enough)

**Rule 319: **Run or be blamed

(Words to live by)

(More often than not, running does get you out of situations)

(Of course, it's temporary)

(Prowl has ninja skills man)

**Rule 320: **Do not make excuses for not handing in reports on time

("Ravage ate my report")

(Yeah, then you'll get the question just _how _did Ravage come near you to eat said report?)

(Higher command does not have a sense of humour)

(Which really sucks)

**Rule 321:** If you can't lie, don't even try

(Sam, you know you're a bad liar)

(Stuttering, shifty eyes, sweating, the works)

('Bee though he was going to pass out)

(I simply yelled "Don't have a conniption now!")

(Had to do monitor duty as punishment)

**Rule 322: **No breaking glass with high pitched screaming

(It hurts ears and audio receptors)

(Also the glass is a nightmare to clean up)

(There are too many budget cuts to afford new glasses)

(It's bad enough we've got to fight over them every morning)

**Rule 323: **Never suggest gambling in any form

(Sunny and Sides has horrible poker faces)

(I can't stop laughing)

(Usually means that I lose fast)

(Don't get me started on strip poker…)

(MY EYES!)

(Scarred for life thank you very much)

**Rule 324: **Pay attention, you'll only be told once

(Prowl has glitched enough times because of this)

(It delays the schedule by a mile)

(It's not my fault I have a short attention span)

(Stop using big words and I might listen)

(Emphasis on the might)

**Rule 325: **No yelling when a human is two feet away

(This goes along with rule 322)

('Bots, don't turn up to the maximum volume)

(It doesn't get your point across)

(Poor Miles)

(He was deaf for a week after Jolt yelled at him)

(Had to isolate the 'Bot for a while)

**Rule 326: **'Bots, you can't catch human viruses!

(Not biologically possible)

(Yes, I get that being sick is a bitch)

(But you don't have to act like we've got robo-cooties or something)

**Rule 327: **No hugging me

(I hate it!)

(People always do it without my permission)

(They crush me most of the time)

(I may be a Techno Organic but I can still break!)

(Where'd the whole 'we don't harm humans' thing go?)

**Rule 328: **Never steal parts of Autobots

(Jazz refused to come out of his quarters when someone stole his visor)

(Turns out it was some dimwitted newbie)

(His excuse was "I just wanted a souvenir")

(After being chased around the base by a rampaging Tai for several hours he quit)

(Not without a couple of scorch marks on him though)

(Never steal kiddies)

**Rule 329: **No faking emotions anger/happiness/sadness

(You'll only confuse the 'Bots)

(So stop with the mood swings)

(It's also not recommended that you make it obvious)

(There's a line up for mentality tests again)

**Rule 330: **Try not to upset Annabelle

(Another life lesson)

(Unless you want to face "Reason" and "Persuasion")

(Meaning a fragged off weapons specialist)

(There's a limit to your chances of remaining unscathed)

**Rule 331: **Always keep your quarters clean

(If you need something it'll increase your hopes of finding it)

(Don't comply and you'll get a lecture)

(From Optimus, Prowl, Ratchet and Ironhide)

(All in the same day)

(For several hours each)

(I think my brain melted)

* * *

><p>Thank you for reading this! End of Line.<p> 


	21. Chapter 21

Here's another list!

Disclaimer: Anything that looks familiar doesn't belong to me...plain and simple. Thank you to Noella50881 for Rule 333, 334, and 335. Thank you to xxAutocon-Leaderxx for Rule 336.

* * *

><p><strong>Rule 332: <strong>No doodling on other people/'Bots possessions without their permission

(Ratchet wasn't pleased to find his favourite wrench covered in smiley faces)

(And the words "This won't hurt a bit" on the side)

(It got worse when Miles snuck into 'Cade's quarters and drew Hello Kitty on his alt mode)

(I mean, all over his alt mode)

(All sharpies are now under lock and key)

**Rule 333: **Don't ever lock Red Alert in his office as a prank!

(I locked him in his office and when he tried to get out...)

(When he realized the door wouldn't open he notified Optimus)

(Then Prowl, and surprisingly, Ironhide.)

(Optimus wasn't amused by my prank and grounded me for three weeks)

(Prowl threw me into the brig even if I was grounded)

(Ironhide threatened to shoot me out of his cannons)

**Rule 334: **Don't even attempt to get out of trouble.

(I tried to talk my way out of my punishment)

(It might have worked for Optimus, but not Prowl)

(I get this strange feeling that Prowl loves to see me locked up)

(When is he going to learn that locking me up in the brig isn't going to work?)

**Rule 335: **Also don't try to escape from the brig!

(I managed to override the bars to my cell by pure dumb luck!)

(I sneaked out only to be caught by Prowl and dragged back)

(He's got a personal vendetta against me I just know it)

**Rule 336: **Don't ask where Sparklings come from

(I asked Mirage)

(Who sent me to Optimus)

(Who then sent me to the Med Bay)

(I received a very detailed lecture)

(I now walk with my head down)

**Rule 337: **Don't try to help injured humans if you have no a clue how

(Sunny and Sides wrapped me up like a mummy after I scrapped my arm)

(They suck at tying knots)

(Then I was dumped in front of someone's quarters)

(Prowl screamed)

(Loudly)

**Rule 338: **No altering official regulation rules without permission

(Somebody hacked NEST's mainframe to make it mandatory for all women personnel to wear mini-skirts)

(We have a pretty good idea who it was)

(All the women were not amused)

**Rule 339: **Never test a femme's patience

(At least a mech might just threaten to shoot you)

(A femme on the other hand)

(Well, let's just say it won't be pleasant and leave it at that)

**Rule 340: **Asking to use Cybertronian weaponry is forbidden

(They won't let the government have it)

(What makes you think we can?)

(It'll do way more harm than good)

(Seriously)

(Because that hangar collapsed we've got more budget cuts)

**Rule 341: **Slogans should be made within reason

"This'll hurt you a lot more than me" (I put this on the Med Bay door)

"Who needs to go around when you can go through?" (Thanks 'Hide, that's good to know)

"Only my beauty exceeds my intelligence" (Riiiiiggghhhttt) (Yeah, no)

"We're self-trained idiots!" (For once he speaks the truth!)

**Rule 342: **Don't purposely give the liaison unstable experiments as revenge

(Oooh that was bad)

(Wheeljack, you're unbelievable)

(Why did you give that bomb to him?)

(Lucky all it did was cover him with soot)

**Rule 343: **Leave the flying to the aerialbots

(Jolt, its official)

(I think he's a lost a screw or something)

(Gluing fake wings to your back will not help in the least)

(He landed in the ocean)

**Rule 344: **No lame karate moves

(I only do this when startled)

(Which is quite often)

(Hyiaaaahh!)

**Rule 345: **"Yes. I was trained to be an evil mastermind from a young age. Sterilizing flowerbeds, pulling wings off flies, I was covering that stuff in kindergarten."

(Oh the look on Ratchet's face when I said that)

(He's convinced I need therapy)

(Damn you Lambo twins)

(You owe me big time!)

**Rule 346: **Ever Changing Staircases are not allowed

(I didn't get the memo)

(So when I was walking towards the mess hall the stairs started moving)

(I ended up in 'Hide's quarters)

(And promptly ran off being chased by said 'Bot)

**Rule 347: **Don't make constantly ticking noises

(It's fun to do this at random intervals)

(Red Alert thought there was a bomb)

(As usual)

(He nearly glitched searching for it)

**Rule 348: **Quoting Fullmetal Alchemist is banned

(But I love this show!)

(Dang you Prowl, you just had to lock up all my manga)

(REVENGE WIIL BE MINE!)

"Ugh, I hate deserts…ugh! It's nothing but sand!" (Epps) (We know, we know)

"What's wrong? Hmmm? It is blood?" (Tai) ("Of course it is!") (Me)

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A MOUSY LITTLE PIPSQUEAK?" (Leo) (Stupid Bluestreak) (Never compare your height with a human)

"Get down here and I'll show you some wrath!" (Ratchet to the Chevy Twins who were hiding from him in a tree) (Show them wrath indeed)

"Lennox's gonna scream my ears off…" (Sam) (Yes, that's what you get for losing his precious Ipad) (You're lucky he didn't just leave you for target practice)

"I'm sorry to interrupt you Major, but let me offer a bit of feminine advice. BABIES AREN'T BORN AFTER JUST FIVE MONTHS!" (Sarah) (She was pissed)

"Attention, gun-toting extremists! Can you hear me all right, or did you blow your ears out playing target practice?" (Me) (I took over the loudspeaker) (Ironhide was not amused)

"Moon old pal, I'm so hungry, I wish you were cheese!"

"Good? Good goes on a military report, and a sidebar for collateral damage. I can see his face, his sarcastic little quips, just thinking about it, makes me completely noxious." (Lennox about Galloway)

"So, is the rude commentary in the bill?" (Sides) (He said this in the Med Bay) (He got wrench in response)

"She was good at her job, smart and gorgeous too. I can't stop thinking about her." (Miles) (Don't ask)

"Points for the big word, but you're still goin' down!"

"He said, "Don't die under my command; you're enough of a pain without paperwork." And that was it."

* * *

><p>All right, there's chapter 21...*phew!* I did it...now off to write another chapter...sigh<p> 


	22. Chapter 22

****I did it!

**Disclaimer: Thanks to MISCrasyaboutfanfics for Rules 349 and 350; Noella50881 for Rules 351 to 353; xXAutocon-LeaderXx for Rule 354  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Rule 349: <strong>Tai already had to write this but I just wanted to remind everyone that you are not allowed to watch 1,000 Ways to Die.

(Peaches immediately took her kids out of the room the second the show came on)

(Her friend Ashley now needs therapy)

(Ratchet and Optimus have become over protective of all of us)

(Sideswipe joked that Sideways should have been on the show)

(Primus, help us all)

**Rule 350: **Autobots let the human males watch the Thanksgiving Day football game!

(We do not need any arguments on a holiday)

(I'm amazed we're even allowed to watch any kind of sporting event)

(Especially after the food incident)

(Hmmmm…)

**Rule 351: **Avoid Skids and Mudflap when they begin fighting

(I was doing my homework and heard their voices getting louder and louder. I went to see what they were arguing about)

(Such a bad idea because they started rolling around the floor)

(They really don't watch where they're going when they fight)

**Rule 352: **Don't make Ironhide angry!

(He's bigger, badder, and has cannons for arms)

(Need I say more?)

(Those poor unfortunate mechs)

(I'm just glad I wasn't next)

**Rule 353: **Never make Ratchet angry either!

(He's got a whole collection of wrenches at his disposal)

(He's not afraid to use them on anyone especially humans)

(Turns out he's got the plastic toy wrenches, too)

(They may look tame but throw properly…)

(It fragging hurts!)

**Rule 354: **If Prowl dares you to do something, don't

(It usual means you're screwed anyway)

(Plus, should you actually go through with said dare, your brig time is doubled)

(Stupid Lambos were snickering behind my back)

(I got stuck with them afterwards)

**Rule 355: **Do not purposely let a car thief hijack you

(Do I need to mention names here?)

(The 'Bot in question took said thief on a homicidal joyride)

(Then proceeded to freak the guy out)

(I think he might've check himself in)

**Rule 356: **Never play with your food

(A free for all food fight broke out in the mess hall)

(I got covered in soup)

(HOT soup)

(Ow…)

**Rule 357: **Always move out of the way of rampaging Dinobots

(They never watch where they stomp)

(So it's better to just clear out of their path)

(Especially after the last liaison called Grimlock a "stupid brainless reptile")

(He was put in stasis until they could wipe the memories from his processor)

**Rule 358: **No need for dramatics

(*cough* Sunstreaker *cough*)

(He can seriously whine people to death)

(Went on for three hours about his scratched paint job)

(Luckily somebot shut off his vocal processor so we didn't have to hear him)

(I enjoy the silence while it lasts)

**Rule 359: **Creating anything that resembles an Autobot (i.e. accessories, stickers…) is forbidden

(Annabelle is an exception to this rule)

(I still have my Bumblebee shaped memory stick)

(The other soldiers got jealous they weren't allowed so I can't take it out in public)

(Sam secretly keeps a stash of Autobot stickers somewhere in his room)

(I have yet to find these)

(No one complains about Annabelle…)

(How unfair is that?)

**Rule 360: **Never wake up the human females on the base

(It's more trouble than it's worth)

(Also Mikeala tends to curse up a storm with her colourful vocabulary)

(Tai throws whatever is within arm's reach)

(Which is often a shoe or something heavier)

(If you value any important parts don't wake me up unless it's an emergency)

**Rule 361: **No funhouse mirrors to replace the real mirrors

(I had fun that day)

(Several humans appreciated the joke thank goodness)

(But unfortunately the 'Bots didn't)

Bluestreak (Screamed and kicked the mirror, which broke…)

Sunstreaker (Locked himself in his quarters for three days)

Jolt (Threw the mirror out the window)

Ironhide (Shot the mirror to smithereens)

Optimus (Also shot the mirror after staring at his reflection for a few minutes) (I have a theory he hates mirrors)

(All the other humans had laughing fits)

**Rule 362: **For the love of fragging Primus, all the twins are prohibited from going to clubs

(The minor twins snuck off to Vegas in the middle of the night)

(And took me with them)

(I wasn't happy about it)

(They were too busy watching the um…exotic dancers to notice I left)

(The next morning I found them in stasis outside the base)

**Rule 363: **Just because you're an expert at something doesn't mean people will understand you

('Bots not named to respect their dignity)

(I space out a lot whenever Prowl tries to explain logic)

(Or when Perceptor starts rattling off about the laws of psychics)

(They don't speak English I swear)

**Rule 364: **When faced with punishment, don't grovel

(It'll get you nowhere)

(Just a lot of humiliation)

(Plus serve mocking afterwards)

(Sam gets glared at constantly now)

**Rule 365: **Stray animals are pets people/'Bots!

(Where Annabelle got those kittens I don't know)

(Whatever the case, she stuck them in Ironhide's tailgate)

(Of course he proceeded to freak out)

(Couldn't hurt them or risk upsetting her)

(We can still hear him cursing out Will for not helping him)

* * *

><p>There another list finished...well I'm going to work on a one shot rule explanation but it won't be ready til next week...give me time to think...<p> 


	23. Chapter 23

Ah, sweet lists...I have no idea how I managed this one honestly...

Disclaimer: Thank you supergirlprime for rule 370. I don't own Tai, only Tyrant

* * *

><p><strong>Rule 366: <strong>Never pretend the signal on your Bluetooth isn't working

(It's upgraded Cybertronian tech)

(So nothing should happen)

(Also saying "Oh..the..si…gnal…is…c-c-cut-ting…off…" is not acceptable)

(Prowl confiscated them all because we kept ignoring his messages)

(Now we have to pull over in order to talk)

(It takes too long!)

**Rule 367: **Do not use another 'Bot to shield you from an angry femme

(Not in a million years does this work)

(Sunny tried with Jolt)

(But Chromia simply stood there until he got impatient)

(It was rather quick I must say)

(Well, only because Jolt transformed _in _Sunny's arms and drove off, knocking him to the ground)

(There were huge tire marks all over his precious paint job)

**Rule 368: **Suggesting any member of NEST or the Autobots needs therapy is strictly forbidden

(Poor Miles)

(We were just minding our own business when the minor twins walked in)

(They had just pulled off a great prank)

(When their victim of said prank came charging into the room)

(It was good Ol' Hide)

(Covered in red Christmas balls)

(While most sane humans ducked for cover, Miles bravely said, "Dude, you need some therapy to keep that anger down!")

(Scary Glare + Cannons= Miles running for the hills)

**Rule 369: **Don't go beyond a human's psychical capacity

(Especially during drills)

(The soldiers were very exhausted after the training run)

(Then they were told they had to do it over three more times)

(Rather than do anything they all fell to the floor)

(Ratchet was not amused)

**Rule 370: **Never yell "HERE BIRDIE BIRDIE BIRDIE!" at Swoop

(He's got a lot of enthusiasm)

(So rather than take a joke, Swoop dive bombs you)

(Then rather profusely tells you 'He no puny bird' for the rest of the day)

(Me hate him now)

**Rule 371: **Using owls to send letters is forbidden

(Only works in Harry Potter)

(Although Optimus has taken a liking to owls after this)

(I caught him talking to a snowy owl in his office)

(Prime's a Harry Potter nerd?)

(I have such a weird family)

**Rule 372: **Toy robots in any form are banned

(They are, and I quote "Cheap imitations whose low grade processors are not equipped with the Primus given intelligence of a Cybertronian")

(That's what the Hatchet said, not me)

(I still keep my action figures under my bed)

(Never know when you might need one)

**Rule 373: **No elevator music!

(Make it stop!)

(It played on a continuous loop for six hours straight)

(Sunny was curled up in a ball muttering obscenities)

(Red Alert glitched in panic)

(Luckily 'Cade shot the speakers)

**Rule 374: **Never bring a weapon out of subspace near humans

(It was funny to see Mearing shriek in terror)

(She started it)

(If she hadn't been so ticked off I'm sure Sides wouldn't have…)

(Nah, he would)

**Rule 375: **Don't underestimate human technology

(Like the power of cell phones)

(OK, so mine is a robot…)

(The 'Bots really have to stop mocking the latest gadgetry)

**Rule 376: **Picking up humans without their consent is not allowed

Sam (Tends to scream and panic, also flails around)

Miles ("Not cool my man, Not. Cool!")

Leo (I'm not going to bother with a caption)

Mikeala (Throws whatever tool she has handy or screams threats)

Me (Pretends to fall out of 'Bots hand and land neatly on the floor while watching them freak out)

Tai (She goes trailer park on your aft) (And a surprising amount of shoes on hand)

**Rule 377: **A 'Bots weak spot should never be discussed

(Don't give them ideas)

(Like that 'Bee's door wings twitch if you poke them just right)

(Or Sunny shudders violently when you kick his…yeah)

(I'd write more but Prowl is starting to fume again)

**Rule 378: **If a human is not answering longer than one hour don't put up "Missing Human "signs

(They're so paranoid)

(It was 'Bee's idea but he did panic a great deal when Sam didn't answer)

(Turns out he was in class so he couldn't)

(Still didn't stop Skids and Mudflap from putting up the posters though)

**Rule 379: **Don't suspect a human's intelligence is low based on a few stupid moments

(This is plainly obvious)

(Just because us humans like to jump off the roof onto a trampoline doesn't mean we're complete idiots)

(Or when we do chicken imitations)

(And hop around on one foot for no reason)

(So, should you see a human doing something odd, don't panic)

**Rule 380: **The Mars Rover is not a dog

(Will, I can't believe you told Cliffjumper that)

(And he actually fell for it for about half an hour)

(He's got a computer in his head and he still didn't use it)

(Almost convinced Wheeljack that they should go save the poor creature)

**Rule 381: **Don't assume something will hold your weight even when it supports another 'Bot

(Bigger, taller 'Bots!)

(We found a shipwreck down by the beach)

(The smaller 'Bots easily stood on the remains)

(Until Prowl and the rest of Higher Command showed up)

(The whole thing sunk and broke into a billion pieces)

**Rule 382: **The following should not be said to get someone's attention

"Stop in the name of useless human commandments!" (Sunstreaker) (Nearly scared that one newbie to death)

"Oi! Fleshling! Get your arse over here" (Ratchet) (He can be so mean sometimes)

"Sweet Flippin' Primus!" (This will immediate cause every human nearby to hit the deck)

"Heeeeyyyy! Ovvveeeerrrrr heeeeerrreee!" *waves frantically* ('Bee) (I think the waving will do…)

"Focus or I'll accidently miss" (Ironhide) (He loves tormenting the new recruits)

"Doesn't this sword look particularly sharp today?" *while brandishing it in someone's face* (Sides)

* * *

><p>Took me sooo long...sigh<p> 


	24. Chapter 24

All righty-o! A new list!

hank you Noella50881 for Rules 383 and 388.

* * *

><p><strong>Rule 383: <strong>Don't say dumb things around the Autobots. They take everything too seriously.

(I told them Sunstreaker ran over a chicken)

(Sunstreaker screamed and began looking around his tires looking for a dead chicken)

(Once he found out there was no chicken, he gave me a death glare and then chased me all through the base)

(No one saved me)

**Rule 384: **Never tell the Autobots a TV a Decepticon torture device

(Sam)

(What would possess you to do this?)

(As soon as he mentioned that, all the TVs were thrown out the window and shot multiple times)

(Cold turkey for two months is not fun)

**Rule 385: **Using any mech against your worst enemy is not allowed

(We are supposed to keep them classified)

(Not let the public know about giant mechanical beings)

(Thanks to Miles sicing 'Cade on Trent, all humans were on lockdown until the news died down)

(However, we got to watch the poor dude's reaction on video over and over)

(So worth it)

**Rule 386: **Performing movie stunts is strictly prohibited

(Prowl cannot stress how much we shouldn't do this)

(Ratchet will leave you in whatever damaged state you end up in for a week)

(Sometimes longer if he's in a foul mood)

(I knew I should have stopped Sides from leaping out the window)

(Nah, not really)

(It was his fault)

**Rule 387: **Never tell Bluestreak to shut up

(It's just not possible)

(If anything, it makes him talk more)

(That's when you start recording what he says then play it back)

(Even then it doesn't always work)

(He can talk your ears off)

**Rule 388: **Don't try to roast marshmallows in Ironhide's cannons.

(Once, Lennox and I were roasting marshmallows in one of his spare cannons

(Several marshmallows fell into the cannon, creating a marshmallow mess)

(Ironhide came back unexpectedly)

(He yelled and chased us out of his room)

(It wasn't until he was in the firing range did he find out what happened)

(We were chased around the base for about five hours)

**Rule 389:** Never us the ten second/ five second rules around Ratchet

(He finds it incredibly appalling)

(Also, if possible, he'll throw out whatever you dropped)

(Received a harsh lecture on germs afterwards)

(I wanted my cookie dang it!)

**Rule 390: **If one person laughs maniacally, don't join in

(It scares all the mechs and femmes)

(Whoever's guilty will be rushed to the med bay)

(A few 'Bots gave us dirty looks thinking we were 'Cons)

(*eye roll*)

**Rule 391: **Dementor costumes are banned indefinitely

(Right after watching Harry Potter Sam, Miles, Tai and I got a ridiculous idea)

(We made a couple Dementor hoods without the 'Bots knowing)

(Then at night we'd sneak into their quarters)

(Red Alert shrieked loudly and refused to come out for weeks)

(We had monitor duty and brig time as punishment)

(Said costumes have been destroyed)

(Maliciously)

**Rule 392: **It is not necessary for everyone to have a theme song!

Iron Man (Isn't it obvious?) (Said 'Bot rather enjoyed the song surprisingly)

Sweet Little Bumblebee ('Bee) (He played that song non-stop for three days)

Dare to Be Stupid (Chevy Twins) (Yes, they dare all right)

Last Friday Night (*hums innocently*)

**Rule 393: **Do not use a voice changing device in any form

(This includes actual voice changer helmets, settings on phones and ones that come with costumes)

(I used a Darth Vader one whenever I answered my Comm. Link)

(Didn't know it was me for weeks)

(Although some suspected)

**Rule 394: **Humans are not allowed to make a huge fort in the middle of the rec room

(The smaller 'Bots insisted in joining us)

(There wasn't anything we could do to stop them unfortunately)

(It got crowded really fast though)

(Of course, Sunny being a spoilsport knocked it over)

**Rule 395: **Cybertronian cuss words and insults are for battles _only _

(The younglings pick it up rather easily)

(I accidently yelled out "You slagging dull processored scrap metal frag face!" at Jolt for shocking me)

(Sparrow started saying it when she got mad)

(Heh, heh, oops…)

**Rule 396: **Never quote Ouran High School Host Club

"Stop imagining weird stuff! That's why you keep getting called a pervert!" (Tai) (Yes, and what does that make you then?)

"Aren't we friends?" (Miles after being caught by Prowl)

"In our case we just use the highest taboo of us being twins as our biggest weapon."

"What are you talking about? My tears are always true and authentic. A true host can always shed a tear without resorting to eye drops." (Sam) (He was definitely using eye drops)

"Mom! Daddy's using foul language!" (Annie) (Kids these days)

"Even though I gave my first kiss to a girl by a weird series of events, the night had a good feel to it" (Me) (Yeah…don't ask) (The 'Bots looked at me funny)

"You're the biggest idiot I know" (Isn't that true?)

"Doesn't she fail as a heroine for not being scared of anything?"

"And thus, as cruel as it is…Sunny's hell has just begun" (There was no more yellow paint) (He had to live with a bad paint job for a…wait for it…seventy two hour period) (Not that long)

**Rule 397: **Do not put on too much sunscreen

(It's a great survival technique)

(Should a 'Bot grab you, you can instantly break free)

(Except you get sunscreen all over their hands)

(Jolt's look of disgust and funny hand motions was priceless)

**Rule 398: **Assorted online games, RPGs and board games are banned

(It's too addicting)

(Progress came to a halt for a while)

(All the soldiers were really obsessed World of Warcraft)

(Even Prime was caught playing)

(That was an interesting sight)

(He wouldn't let anyone talk to him)

**Rule 399: **Celebrate a victory quietly and be modest

(Unless your name is Jazz)

(In which case, there's no excuse)

(Also bragging about to everyone's faces is just rude)

(Go for a more subtle approach)

(Not that…I do that…or anything)

* * *

><p>Done and done! Whoo! If you have anymore ideas, let me know!<p>

I now interrupt the ending of this chapter with a special announcement:

It's One Shot time and I have a perfect rule explanation! So look out for it on Monday. Also I have a new story coming up in six days so be on the look out for that too!

MMercury


	25. Chapter 25

Yeah, I didn't get to the one shot explanation this time. I was sick this weekend and ran out of ideas, so it'll be up next...I hope.

**Disclaimer: **Thanks to Noella50881 for Rule 400

* * *

><p><strong>Rule 400: <strong>Don't eat any type of food in the following Alt-Forms

Sunstreaker (Can't stand crumbs, greasy hands, fingers prints, and any kind of food) (I got thrown out the door)

Ratchet (Will talk your ears off if you're eating something bad) (He doesn't mind carrot sticks and celery being eaten in his alt mode though)

Ironhide (He has cannons for arms, but a loud enough voice to persuade you not to open your coke)

**Rule 401: **Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (both versions) is banned from the base

(All chewing gum and assorted candies mysteriously disappeared)

(Wheeljack started experimenting again)

(Some 'Bots have started calling us human(ish) types "Oopma Loompas")

(It's getting really annoying)

(We're not that short!)

**Rule 402: **Don't purposely hold contests to see who can break/be the reason for the most rules

(Yeah, considering that people will probably hate you for it)

(So far the humans have outdone the Autobots)

(Is that a good thing?)

(Probably not)

**Rule 403: **I cannot exploit the fact I can't feel in half my hand

(I was dared by Leo to stick my hand in icy water for five minutes)

(Of course he didn't know the little known fact I can't feel anything)

(His expression sort of went from causal to…jaw dropping in ten seconds)

(Well, at least he was silent for three days)

**Rule 404: **No matter how important, what credentials they show or how much they rant, don't reveal personal matters to government officials

(It's in the freaking treaty folks)

(Says right there)

(Paragraph T, section 8, sub-section 237)

(How hard is that?)

**Rule 405: **Never hide in the human couch and scare people

(But it's fun!)

(Sam dressed as a zombie and hid under the cushions)

(Lennox's face when he jumped up was priceless!)

(The best part had to be how casual Sam was afterwards)

**Rule 406: **Don't act as paranoid as Red Alert

(He just freaks out twice as much)

(It took four 'Bots to temporarily offline him after he went on a rampage with the security measures)

(Nobody got to sleep for days)

**Rule 407: **Playing tag in the dark is no longer allowed

(As fun as it is)

(The 'Bots claim they aren't cheating but I think otherwise)

(When you have extra sensitive sensors and you use them, it's cheating whether you like it or not)

(Plus I collided with some hard)

(Turns out it was Sunstreaker's leg)

(I'm not sure whose scream was louder)

**Rule 408: **Humans cannot drink Energon

(So, don't even try)

(Yes I'm looking at you humans I will not mention to save whatever's remaining of your dignity)

(It's clearly labelled 'Not suitable for humans')

(Besides that, how'd you even reach them?)

(The lock is like, twenty feet off the ground)

**Rule 409: **Don't talk to yourself

(The excuse, "I was thinking out loud" will not work)

(It's worse when you think you're alone and suddenly, you're not)

(Awkward!)

**Rule 410: **War paint is not part of the regulation military uniform

(So whose bright idea was it to wear the whole colourful stripes thing?)

(Because now the 'Bots are starting to get ideas)

(And nothing good comes out of that)

(This is a serious as I'm getting)

**Rule 411: **Never tell Red Alert clowns are evil

(Never. Ever. Ever. Ever. EVER.)

(It wasn't even a horror movie we were watching)

(It was one of Annabelle's kiddy shows)

(Thank you Sideswipe for being a total dumbaft)

(As revenge all humans got to shoot him with paintball guns)

(THAT was funny)

**Rule 412: **If it's too good to be true, it probably is

(I think the Chevy twins might a few circuits short of a motherboard)

(They were watching too many infomercials)

(In the end, they listened to the announcer)

(And bought a whole ton of crap by hacking the NEST budget)

(As it turns out, the company that made the products was sued for scamming customers)

(So in the end, NEST was a few thousand dollars short and the twins were stuck in the brig)

**Rule 413: **Keep Wheeljack away from Venus Flytraps

(He got the clever idea to create Venus Mechtraps)

(It resembled said plant but it had razor sharp teeth and injected a paralyzing liquid to subdue enemies)

(Worked pretty well until some newbies went and had a go at it)

**Rule 415: **Once again, keep off the freaking grass!

(There's a sign that had giant bolded letters on it)

(Also, nobody's walking on it)

(That's a warning in itself)

(Sam's dad loves his precious lawn)

**Rule 416: **Never complain about where a mission takes you

(The 'Cons aren't going to pick Hawaii just because it's prettier and warmer)

(We ended up in the oddest place for a new arrival)

(Some-town-in-the-middle-of-nowhere)

(Yeah, I can't pronounce it)

**Rule 417: **A stern warning is a great way to be assertive when dealing with little nuisances

(Just one little warning)

(Of course if necessary yell really loudly and brandish a baseball bat)

(That, and throw said nuisances to High Command)

(It works too)

* * *

><p>Over 400 Rules...and counting. But of course, all good thing s must come to an end...meaning I have another...five lists left and two more Rule one shots left.<p> 


	26. Chapter 26

****All right, so I didn't get the one shot done, my apologies. I have just been losing ideas lately even though I had the whole thing planned (somewhat) in advance. With that being said, I will hopefully have another one shot about whatever rule you readers want, so long as its not too entirely difficult or unpleasant. Go forth and read!

**Disclaimer: **Thanks to Noella50881 and szynka2496 for Rules 418 and 419

* * *

><p><strong>Rule 418: <strong>Don't ever attempt to sneak in unhealthy snacks

(Ratchet actually checks all the groceries brought in or shipped in

(He found a bag of potato chips, one small candy bar, one bag pretzels, a tub of cheese balls, and a pack of peanuts all in one bag)

(So fragging paranoid I tell ya)

**Rule 419: **Attention all male idiots, no tampon guns allowed!

(Curse you Miles!)

(Yeah, I get that us females are sometimes caught off guard but seriously...)

(You don't have to practically shoot them at us!)

(He was hogged tied by all the resident women in his underwear)

(Deserved it the little fragger)

**Rule 420: **Safety drills are not to be performed after 10pm

(Red Alert!)

(Somebody stop showing him all those safety videos!)

(He did this for two months when he first arrived on Earth)

(Then got sent to the brig for a little "alone time")

**Rule 421: **Spamming people's email accounts is not acceptable

(It's a hassle to delete everything)

(I kept getting all these offers for free medication)

(And a million other useless things)

(Whose fault is that?)

**Rule 422: **Don't throw your charge to safety

(We're a lot more breakable than we look)

(Sam let out an unholy shriek when 'Bee tossed him out of his alt mode)

(Lucky for him he only got a few bruises)

(Poor 'Bee was so upset for a week)

**Rule 423: **Never take over the video game consoles

(The resident game addicted will take revenge)

(Didn't help when we somehow managed to go through four Xboxes)

(Prowl was _very _tempted to ban all video games after this)

**Rule 424: **Running into the Rec Room screaming is not a good idea

(What I was thinking, I'll never know)

(Those who were smart ignored me)

(But the newbies didn't)

(They called every medic on base to come after me)

**Rule 425: **Never try and make your own force field

(It just doesn't work)

(Also didn't help when Wheeljack got involved again)

(The force field did its job perfectly)

(Keeping the person inside it that is!)

**Rule 426: **Messing with the hot water is just plain rude

(You'd think the Twins would have figured this out by now)

(It was yet another free for all revenge session)

(This time we used sledgehammers)

**Rule 427: **Using holograms for anything other than their intended purpose is forbidden

(Hound!)

(I don't care how much you don't like the new liaison)

(You're not allowed to create random doors just to watch him fall over again and again)

(However, it was hilarious when Leo fell for the holo-girl)

**Rule 428: **Never suggest Beta turn into something larger

(He doesn't appreciated being mocked)

(Just note that if you do talk smack about Beta, I won't stop him)

(The phone may look like a drone but he sure doesn't act like one)

(Good thing I told him where Sunstreaker's weak spot is)

**Rule 429: **Don't pop or smack your chewing gum

(It's really loud to the 'Bots sensitive audios)

(Also if not done properly two things can happen)

The gum will stick to hair or skin

The gum will stick to an Autobot and never come off

(The first happened to me)

(I had to get another hair cut)

(I looked so stupid, the lady wasn't listening!)

(Number two happened to Mikeala)

(It took hours to get that gum off Arcee)

**Rule 430: **"Can I ask you a question?"

("You just did, time's up!")

(When will they learn…?)

**Rule 431:** Never make a big show of being annoyed

(Any childish ranting and you will be treated as such)

(I laughed when Jolt handed Miles a rattle for acting so immaturely)

(His look of horror was priceless)

**Rule 432: **Don't say certain 'Bots act like old married couples

(Um…yeah...)

(Not such a great idea)

(I said this about Ironhide and Ratchet)

(While they were in the same room)

(I ran for it)

**Rule 433: **Singing off key is prohibited

(My optic is still twitching from Simmons' rendition of "Barbie Girl")

(Overheard him singing in the shower)

(I was on my way to the Rec Room)

(In the end I stopped by the door and recorded the whole thing)

**Rule 434: **Go along with people's advice even if you hate it or it's confusing

(This goes for everyone)

(The government officials get really huffy for some reason when nobody does)

(Gee, I wonder why)

(Maybe because it never makes sense)

(And when anyone does follow it…well…)

* * *

><p>There ya go, another successful list. Onto some good news! My new special one shot is going to be released tomorrow. It's just the thing for the Christmas season! Stay tuned! End of Line<p> 


	27. Rule 91

****Look at this, I made a one shot! Not the one I promised but a one shot none the less.

**Disclaimer: **All Transformers and related characters are property of their respected owners. Tai belongs to Tatyana Witwicky.

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><p><strong>Rule 91:<strong> If there's an actual bee flying around, don't bring attention to yourself

* * *

><p>It was a miraculous occasion when the human sector of Diego Garcia was quiet. Every room had a constant buzz of daily chatter, the clack of keyboards, footsteps echoing through the halls. So whenever given the chance, the silent was enjoyed for as long as possible.<p>

However, today was not one of those peaceful days. Currently a video game death match was underway in the Rec Room between Tai and Sam. Both Witwickys were glaring intently at the screen displaying their characters, griping the controllers with a fierceness that would make a PE teacher proud. Every so often one of the pair would cheer in victory or annoyance as they either fell behind or advanced ahead of the other.

Azura lounged against the arm of the human sized couch, thoroughly bored with her friends' antics. The trash talk had started to get old and it seemed the outcome of victory was nowhere in sight. She flicked a hair out of her face, tapping her manicured fingernails against her knee.

"You're going down!" Sam muttered for the hundredth time. His blanched knuckles tightened on the white controller quivering in his hands.

"Not if I win first!" Tai replied deviously.

_At this rate, they'll both cross the finish line and then argue who won for hours. _The Techno Organic thought dully. She didn't particularly enjoy the video games most of the humans played in their spare time, opting for more time consuming activities such as messing around with Wikipedia entries and of course, playing Angry Birds on her Ipod until three in the morning. Besides, it was rare that the consoles were left unattended for longer than an hour.

"You little sneaking, no good dirty rotten pig!" Sam cursed as Tai's character sped ahead of his.

"Gee Sam, speak up, I can't hear you…over the sound of me winning!" his cousin declared as huge block letters flashed on screen. "Aw, too late" She turned to give him a sweet smile that radiated smugness.

Sam grumbled something about hacking and tossed the controller aside. "I demand a rematch" His expression a combination of irritation and feigned arrogance. Tai leaned so that she invaded Sam's personal space, causing him to lean back.

"Is someone upset because he lost?" she asked in an exaggerated voice, her lips curling into a pout.

"I'm not upset," Sam retorted stubbornly. He crossed his arms in defiance.

She nodded casually. "Sure, sure whatever you say Mr. Grumpy Face." Her sing song voice laced with a mocking tone. The Witwicky boy's expression faltered for a second before he regained his composure.

"No, you're sorely mistaken; I _let _you win, since I'm such a wonderful cousin." He nodded as though to confirm his statement.

Tai made a show of pretending to be in deep thought before she raised an eyebrow eyeing Sam with a suspicious optic. "Care to prove that theory?"

**101010101**  
>One Hour Later<p>

Azura was unable to stop the laughter threatening to bubble over as she observed the pair engrossed in their competition. Sam's confidence had slowly dwindled after the first three rounds, his initial arrogance crushed. Tai however had begun to become increasingly hysterical as she watched her cousin freak out, tossing random jibes at him every so often.

_Buzz. _

The Techno Organic snapped out of her cheerful revere, eyes darting around. "Did anyone…?" she asked, even though she knew the two weren't listening. "Ah, forget it."

_Buzzzzzz. _

"OK, tell me you heard that!" Azura exclaimed in irritation. She glanced at the pair seated next to her. They didn't appear to have noticed she had spoken. "Oh come on now…!"

For her efforts she received a violent shush. "Fine…" she muttered sticking her tongue out at them.

_Buzzz. Buzzzzzz… _

Out of the corner of her eye, Azura spied a tiny black dot zooming towards her. At first the Techno Organic thought nothing of it until the thing hit her face. A fuzzy yellow and black insect stared at her with its beady eyes. There was a bee on her face. Azura scrunched her nose, narrowing her optics.

"Shoo!" she snapped, waving a hand at the offending bug. Its antenna twitched in response. "Scram! Go!" Although it couldn't make facial expressions the insect seemed to be taunting her.

Azura glared at the bug on her nose. "You're giving me no choice here…" she gritted her teeth. The girl snatched a nearby pillow resting against the couch arm and whacked the bee. It flew off at the last second; the pillow smacking her face dead centre. With a curse, Azura tossed the pillow towards Sam. It bounced off his shoulder causing him to drop the controller, thus pausing the game.

"Dude, not cool!" he protested. "Watch where you're tossing that thing! What did I ever do to you?"

Azura ignored his comment, leaping off the couch. "Where are you, ya little fuzz bastard?" she muttered, brandishing another pillow. Tai raised an eyebrow at the irritated girl.

"Fuzz bastard?" she repeated in amusement. "What're you searching for, mould?"

Rather than answer, the Techno Organic tip-toed around the room, gripping the pillow tightly. "Stupid bug! Come out where I can squish you!"

Sam glanced at his cousin in confusion. "What's her deal?" he asked.

"Haven't the foggiest Sammy m'boy" Tai shrugged. "But let's watch while the entertainment lasts."

Azura's optics searched the room frantically. "I know you're here somewhere!" she giggled.

_Buzz! Buzz! Buzzz! _

She whirled around, waving the pillow in all directions. "All right the jokes over!" Azura yelled, hurling it towards the wall. "Frag it all!" she cursed as the bee zipped passed her. "GET BACK HERE YOU STUPID BUG!"

By now Sam and Tai were both laughing hysterically, covering their eyes. "Me without my camera!" Tai giggled in mock disappointment.

"Never thought I'd see the day Azura would be taken out by a tiny bug…" Sam shook his head in amusement.

"Just shut up!" Azura muttered, overhearing their conversation. Just then she heard a low buzzing noise in her ear. Pivoting, she faced the miniscule offender. _Where was it? _

"What the…?"

A black dot came zooming towards her. "Oh great." She deadpanned. The bee landed on her nose again. Swatting at the creature, Azura shrieked in annoyance.

"THAT'S IT!"

The bee naturally avoided her attempt to smack it and nimbly darted out of reach. It hovered for a moment before suddenly dive bombing her. Azura's optic widened.

"BEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" she screamed, running around in circles, arms waving frantically. "BEE! BEE! BEE!"

Outside the roaring of an engine could be heard before a wall came crumbling down to reveal Bumblebee poised in full battle mode. Without so much as a "Heads up!" the yellow Autobot activated his weapons and began to reduce the room into a scorched mess. Tai and Sam had already dived for cover when the wall was smashed to pieces however Azura was less than fortunate. Forced to dodge the attack, the Techno Organic pranced around the room to avoid getting singed.

"BEE! STOP!" She shrieked in terror. Immediately realizing he had potentially placed a human in the path of danger, 'Bee lowered his arm in embarrassment.

Peeking out from behind a partially scorched couch cushion, Sam just about froze.

"Nice going with the overkill 'Bee…" he sighed. Just like his house.

* * *

><p>There ya go...I hope I did Tai's character justice!<p>

Oh, in case anyone's wondering, I published a new rule list, it's a Christmas one so go read that once you're done


	28. Chapter 28

Well, I managed, that's all I can say!

Thanks to Noella50881 for Rule 435**  
><strong>

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><p><strong>Rule 435: <strong>Don't ever make snide remarks around the following Autobots

(They get mad and might use their advanced holoforms for punishments)

Ironhide (He chased me around his alt mode) (Then he cheated by swinging a door out so I'd crash into it) (It fragging hurt!)

Ratchet (He narrows his optics and scolds you for hours) (I had to write lines) (With him figuratively breathing down my neck)

Optimus Prime (I was surprised by his reaction) (For usually being so calm and collected he's quite scary when he's mad)

Prowl (Skips the lectures and tosses you in the brig)

**Rule 436: **No slapping people with fish

(Not only is it disgusting, but Ratchet finds it unsanitary)

(Also, technically speaking, fish are food so you'll look very childish)

(It got a little out of control when Wheeljack found that shark)

(EW…)

**Rule 437: **Never leave a bird outside Red Alert's quarters

(He won't admit it, but he's got ornithophobia)

(That's a fear of birds)

(He'll go to extreme measures to get rid of it)

(Several of them include explosions)

**Rule 438: **Learning combat techniques from Kung-Fu movies is forbidden

(Those are untested methods)

(Most of the actors know what they're doing)

(Sideswipe pulled one off pretty well surprisingly)

(But the same couldn't be the same for Mudflap)

(He was in the med bay for a week with broken leg struts)

**Rule 439: **Never crush a human, even when you're trying to help them

(It makes them twice as terrified)

(That poor soldier)

(He was in therapy for weeks after he thought Optimus was trying to kill him)

(I was sorrier for Prime to tell you the truth)

**Rule 440: **Do not blackmail government officials to do your bidding

(Every single 'Bot)

(Yes, there are tons of videos of pranked government liaisons)

(Those are for amusement only)

(Not to mention they're encrypted with high level Cybertronian security measures so no one can use them for anything else)

**Rule 441: **Telling a human 'that's highly impossible' is not recommended

(They will attempt to prove you wrong)

(Of course this leads to injuries or utter humiliation)

(And many lectures courtesy of Ratchet)

(Not to mention free dents!)

**Rule 442: **In the event of an emergency, do not say the following

"I'm off to the underground bomb shelter, let me know when the nuclear war is over, assuming anyone survives" (Wheeljack) (You are such a dolt sometimes!)

"We are so screwed." (Sunny) (Your pessimism is starting to get annoying)

"Looks like we won't be needing these" *tosses weapons aside*

"Tell my girlfriend I really liked the curtains!"

"It's the end of the world and I'm still alive…YES! Eat that suckas!" (Miles)

"Thank Primus my will chip was completed vorns ago" (Ultra Magnus) (I just blinked at him)

"That was Plan Z, got anymore suggestions?"

"I knew I should have listened to my fortune cookie" (Tai) (Yes, that'll help)

*curl into a ball and rock back and forth* "There's no chance, no chance at all…"

"I've got an idea, but it'll probably kill us, so that's out of the question" (Thank you Bluestreak for your wonderful contributions)

"We're outnumbered, out gunned, and probably out in other ways so how's about we just, I dunno, give up?"

**Rule 443: **Never tell a human their technology is outdated even if it is

(Some find it insulting)

(Let them be nostalgic, it's their problem)

(Like when Leo talks about his family's old computer)

(Just let him rant)

(Although I'd really wish he'd shut up)

**Rule 444: **Testing the medical staff's (human or Autobot) patience is not allowed

(You won't be safe from wrenches)

(Plus your stay in the med bay might get extended)

(If you're a 'Bot you'll be forced into stasis)

(Humans will be sedated in small doses)

(This rule applies to all civilians living at NEST)

**Rule 445: **Never try to copy what us human's do

(Chances are it'll end badly)

(Like when I did that weird thing with my hand)

(I'm not even sure how I did it)

(The Bots who tried it ended up having their gears jammed in place)

**Rule 446: **Try not to appear uncomfortable around the 'Bots, they will notice

(They can sense fear)

(Some will make it twice as horrible for you if they're in a sadistic mood)

(For instance the incident with Sideswipe)

(A newbie was running errands and he had to walk passed the main hangar)

(Turns Sides was sharpening his swords at the time)

(Freaked the guy out with that creepy look)

**Rule 447: **Age and size means nothing

(Pretty self-explanatory if you ask me)

(Bumblebee's good at what he does)

(And he's one of the youngest 'Bots)

(The Chevy Twins on the other hand…)

(Not so much)

**Rule 448: **Poking someone without their expressed permission is not allowed

(It really hurts you know!)

(Miles now has bruises all over his arms from when 'Bee poked him)

(He was unconscious at the time but it didn't end well)

(Lennox made it better (or worse) by asking him "Had a rough night?")

**Rule 449: **Never mistake any 'Bot for another

(It's easy to distinguish one from another)

(Even if they have similar paint jobs)

(Prime and Ultra Magnus look nothing alike)

(Well, OK, sort of)

(There's no excuse for newbies either)

(Unfortunately)

**Rule 450: **Digging traps for unsuspecting victims is forbidden

(Especially if they can't get out)

(Annabelle nearly fell into a twenty foot hole the Lambo Twins dug for Barricade)

(Though why they'd prank him I'll never know)

(They ended up at the bottom in a smoking heap courtesy of Ironhide)

(And Lennox)

**Rule 451: **Don't tie the Aerialbots to trees, fences, telephone poles…etc.

(They don't like being grounded)

(Plus the amount of damage is getting expensive)

(We're lucky we've still got electricity to be honest)

* * *

><p>Yup, only fifty more rules until I hit 500! Keep the ideas flowing people!<p> 


	29. Chapter 29

I survived writing this amazingly, not sure how, but hey, it works for me**.**

**Disclaimer: **Thanks to Noella50881 for Rule 452, Szynka2496 for Rule 453, and Supergirlprime for Rule 457**  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Rule 452: <strong>Don't tell horror stories about physical exams

(All the newbies were too scared to enter the med bay afterwards)

(Once they gained enough courage to go in they suffered the Wrath of the Hatchet)

(I heard one muttering in the halls)

(Others locked themselves in their quarters for a while)

(Those of us who knew better just avoided the med bay for a while)

**Rule 453: **Don't disturb the Autobots when they're watching their shows

(Would you believe Wheeljack gets angry if you talk while he's watching Mythbusters?)

(Why am I not surprised?)

(I was shushed violently first)

(Then it got worse after his optics started twitching)

(I ran out the door before he could do anything worse)

**Rule 454: **Never engage in any sports that involves violence

(Dents, dents, dents and more dents)

(Oh and earthquakes)

(I still cringe whenever I see Bluestreak)

(Don't ask)

**Rule 455: **Don't charge at someone and try to pick them up

(They tend to protest and beat whatever's in arms reach)

(I think the Cassettes loathe me now)

(They're starting to stalk me…)

(Blaster actually encouraged it and never stopped them)

**Rule 456: **All daily agendas must be somewhat organized

(This means don't change your plans or wing it)

(Certain 'Bots can handle them, others will get very impatient)

(I don't really need to name names)

(All I can say is that two holoforms literally stormed into a store I was in and dragged me by my ears)

**Rule 457: **Do not create devices found in video games

(This means _all _of them)

(Like Portal guns for instance)

(It was fun while it lasted)

(Until someone got the wise idea to make it so that they'd fall continuously)

(Sam couldn't see straight for a week)

**Rule 458: **You cannot have an alt mode of famous movie cars

1970 Dodge Charger (The Fast and the Furious) (Several soldiers on the base are apparently big fans of that movie) (It didn't end well)

Mach 5 (Speed Racer) (All Autobot speedsters are forbidden to even suggest it as an alt)

Greased Lightning (Grease) (Don't even try…)

Chitty Chitty Bang Bang (Chitty Chitty Bang Bang) (Oh for the love of Primus, don't touch Sam's dad's Porsche)

1961 Red Ferrari 250 GT California Spyder SWB (Ferris Buelller's Day Off) (Lambo Twins, it will not impress Arcee)

1963 Aston Martin DB5 (James Bond) (Yeah, I'm not gonna say anything)

1960 Peterbilt 281 (Duel) (Prime did not want to be associated with a stalker truck)

1981 De Lorean DMC-12 (Back to the Future) (It doesn't travel through time Wheeljack!) (You know Prime said you can't use it)

**Rule 459: **Never try to drive a tank

(If you don't know how, leave it to the experts)

(That is all you need to know)

(The wall hasn't been repaired yet)

**Rule 460: **No swimming in the bay without supervision

(There are sharks everywhere)

(Not to mention other creepy creatures)

(Nobody's actually been attacked of course)

(Thanks to all those lasers and sensors Red Alert installed)

**Rule 461: **Do not abuse the joined Human-Autobot account

(Tai, Sam, Miles, Leo, Mikeala, Me…and others)

(We went out shopping when we got back to the mainland)

(And got a little carried away)

(We're still paying it off)

(The account's been locked unless we ask (more like beg))

**Rule 462: **Don't steal shiny objects from people

(Yeah…that was the weirdest experience…ever)

(For some unknown reason, Bluestreak became obsessed with shiny things)

(He started stealing pins)

(But then it got worse when he targeted much more…larger items)

(Several 'Bots came out of recharge missing certain parts of their helms)

**Rule 463: **Sticky notes are not to be used excessively

(I found a wall cover with the same message)

(They started appearing everywhere)

(Sam was seen throwing out an armful of neon green ones)

(We need to hide all the stacks)

**Rule 464: **Make sure you ask before you blow it up

(That's the seventh car in a month)

(Well, nothing we can do about that)

(It's not that easy to persuade a giant robot not to do something)

**Rule 465: **Never complain about how someone decorates their quarters

(Chances are, they'll get back at you)

(Like when I called Hound's quarters a treehouse)

(He turned my room into a swamp)

(Not doing that again)

**Rule 466: **Get your mind out of the gutter!

(Not every word suggests innuendo)

(I'm not listing them)

(Although it's really hard to not giggle when someone says something)

(The look on their faces is priceless)

**Rule 467: **Never threaten to dissect or experiment on humans even you're not being serious

(Wheeljack)

(All guardians went in full protective mode)

(Sam, Tai, Will, and Annabelle couldn't walk anywhere by themselves)

(That's why I don't have a guardian)

**Rule 468: **Tin cans and string do not replace internal commlinks

(Who gave Skids and Mudflap this idea?)

(I didn't know they made cans that big)

(Good thing I wasn't around when the Hatchet caught them)

(I heard it was brutal)

(Not that the dents and scrapes on them proved anything)

* * *

><p>There ya go! Another list! Feel free to suggest ridiculous ideas!<p> 


	30. Chapter 30

Well, here's another wonderful list! Sadly, this is the second last rule list for this story**. **I might think of other one shots but with exams coming up, I'll probably only have enough time for one more list.**  
><strong>

Thanks to _Noella50881_ for Rule 469, _Supergirlprime_ for Rule 470, and _Meowmeow98_ for Rules 482 and 484.**  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Rule 469: <strong>Don't let Wheeljack watch a show on reptiles

(He believed there were such things as flying dragons)

(Well, he tried to create one using two different lizards)

(It didn't work out well)

(I had to hide Lithium for a while)

(Turns out he created a Komobearded Dragon anyway)

(Half Komodo Body, Half Bearded Face)

(He couldn't figure out why his creation didn't have wings)

(Dragon's exist, but the ones with wings)

(He kept him and he's pretty friendly)

**Rule 470: **For the love of Primus, never let Leo sing "I'm sexy and I know it"

(I think my eyes are burning)

(The mental images are permanent I just know it)

(Yes, he did exactly what the video shows)

(Several 'Bots threated to shoot him)

(When he didn't stop, several tried to)

(He's very fast when in danger)

**Rule 471: **Don't act bratty

(It'll get you nowhere)

(And no one will save you if the Twins lock you in a dark room)

(Well, at least until you've lost your voice yelling so much)

(Serves you right)

**Rule 472: **Silly Putty is not allowed on the base

(I left some in 'Bee)

(It got all over his seats when it melted)

(Had to replace a few parts afterwards)

(But not after I had to clean it all off first)

(I felt so guilty for doing that)

**Rule 473: **Never let any 'Bot help you with homework

(Let's never mention the time Wheeljack improved my biology project)

(Or when Sam's paper ended up being about Cybertronian history)

(Maybe even the time my laptop got replaced with Brains)

(Neither of those events were fun for those involved)

**Rule 474: **If you witness something weird, move on

(Odds are, a staring contest will ensue)

(And if you're with a bunch of newbies, feel free to act like a tour guide)

("All right people, move along, nothing to see here")

(Then proceed to shove said dazed crowd in the general direction of an exit)

(Did anyone know Sides keeps butterflies in his quarters?)

**Rule 475: **Packing peanuts are for packing only

(It got all over the place)

(Prowl glitched when he saw us swimming in a sea of foam peanuts)

(It was fun until I got a whole bunch stuck to my hair)

(Things got worse once the Twins got involved)

**Rule 476: **Don't glue feathers to doorwings

("It's a bird! It's a plane! No, wait, it's my guardian…")

('Bee was not amused)

(Took Sam hours to scrub it all off)

(It wasn't even his fault)

(Hee! Hee! hee!)

**Rule 477: **Always speak clearly so no one misinterprets what you say

(I'm not sure how this happened)

(Who gets "I was hunting unicorns" from "I'm eating popcorn"?)

(And these 'Bots say they have advance hearing)

(Unbelievable)

(Ended up having another mentality test again)

**Rule 478: **Nerf guns are not banned

(I shot a dart at Bluestreak)

(Right between the optics)

(He didn't notice for hours)

(How I have no idea)

(But I soon found out)

(Wheeljack built a bunch of Autobot sized Nerf guns)

(Human Target Practice…)

(Run)

**Rule 479: **No hand puppets near Red Alert

(He thinks they're evil demons from the Pit)

(Same with ventriloquist dummies)

(Tai, I don't want to know where you got that thing)

(It freaks me out)

(The eyes follow you everywhere)

**Rule 480: **If you've got skills, don't brag about them

(Mirage…Sunny…Sides…Ironhide…everyone else)

(Odds are, someone will shut you up)

(Nothing a well-aimed wrench won't fix!)

**Rule 481: **Opposite Day is not an excuse

(Several humans decided to walk backwards one day)

(Some even put their shirts on in reverse)

(Absolutely messed up the 'Bots processors completely)

(It was very quiet)

**Rule 482: **No more tying 'bots' feet together during a meeting)

(I didn't know there was a huge meeting table in the meeting room for 'bots!)

(While Epps and Lennox got their attention)

(I, Sam, Tai and a bunch of others tied every single 'Bots' feet with a lot of ropes)

(And secretly left without being noticed)

(The news that evening reported a 9 magnitude earthquake)

**Rule 483: **Never try encouraging Red Alert to upgrade his security system

(Leo!)

(He told him that a bunny could hack the system much less a 'Con)

(Thanks to that we now have an automatic lockdown every time we get animals in the base)

(People were locked in their rooms for a few hours)

(It didn't help that Red Alert was currently in another State at the time!)

**Rule 484: **No more switching paintjobs

(We switched a bunch of 'Bot's paintjob)

(Optimus with Arcee) (That did not go well)

(Ironhide with Ratchet) (They were both amused by it for some reason) (Then I saw the evil looks on their faces) (And ran)

(Wheeljack with Hound)

(Mirage with Red Alert) (Mirage tore the base apart while cursing up a storm)

(The major twins and the minor twins) ("Yo! You freakin' ketchup man!")

(The result was destructive)

**Rule 485: **Never change the datapads so they flash random advertisements

(Turns out some of them were gaming sites)

(I caught Prowl playing the Helicopter game)

(He's amazingly good at it)

(Of course when he finally noticed me he made me swear I didn't see anything)

(Still have the video though)

(Shhh!)

* * *

><p>There you go, another finished list. Only seventeen more rules til I hit 500! (Ok, actually I messed up so it's 502 but whose counting)<p> 


	31. Chapter 31

Well, this is the end of the rule lists. I have finally reached 500 rules! Thanks for all the reviews, faves, and alerts as well as rule ideas!

**Disclaimer: Thanks to Supergirlprime for Rule 486 and MeowMeow98 for Rule 491  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Rule 486: <strong>YouTube videos are not to be viewed around 'Bots

(They got too curious even after the warnings we gave them)

(It wasn't my fault they watched that disgusting vid)

(I heard really disturbing sounds coming from the Monitor Room)

(Steered clear of any 'Bots for the remainder of the day)

**Rule 487: **No bringing shrunken heads onto the base

(Not only is it gross but Ratchet _will _flip out)

(He threw mine in the incinerator)

(Wasn't even real)

(I just thought it'd look cool…in a weird way)

(That was twenty dollars he burnt)

(I knew I should've bought that skull)

**Rule 488: **Making hand gestures and faces behind anyone's back is prohibited

(It's especially fun when you mouth whatever they say too)

(Sam did this to Prowl for a good five minutes)

(He's got talent that boy does)

(Of course when he got caught he ended up in the brig)

(And writing lines too)

("I must not imitate an Autobot or fellow human for the sake of my own amusement" about six hundred times)

(Every so often I can hear him muttering under his breath)

**Rule 489: **If High Command tells you to do something, obey orders

(DO. IT.)

(Any breaking of this rule will result in utter humiliation)

(Ratchet made good with his threat to turn the Lambos into toasters)

(The toast was awesome though)

(Sunny and Sides make cute kitchen appliances)

**Rule 490: **Humans are forbidden from wearing only underwear in the halls

(Every male on the base)

(Very, very, very wrong)

(Nobody wants to see that!)

(There are no excuses for this)

(Same goes for holoforms)

(Primus, someone be sane around here!)

**Rule 491: **No more massive hide n' seek

(Don't ask how we got the whole base to play)

(The 'bots were panicking when they saw the whole base empty and quiet)

(The human higher ups stayed in the security room to watch)

(We had set up a point chart the 'bots get when they found specific humans)

(Normal soldiers - 5 points each)

(Leo and Miles - 10 points each)

(Lennox and Epps - 30 points each)

(Sam and Mikeala - 50 points each)

(Me - 70 points)('Cause I'm hard to catch)

(Annabelle and Sarah - 100 points)

(And we released Galloway to let him wander the halls)

(Any bot who encounters him during the game - minus 200 points)

(The 'bots were furious until the end 8 hours later)

**Rule 492: **Never pretend to search for little green men

(Any Autobot that walks by will believe you are crazy)

(Then point out that there are no little green men in existence)

(If you're really *lucky*, you'll get a lovely story about other alien species in the universe)

**Rule 493: **Paranormal movies are forbidden

(Someone is asking for serious trouble)

(Who gave Red Alert "Signs"?)

(And 'War of the Worlds'?)

(We had emergency evacuation drills every day)

(Plus there was a large amount of water all over the place)

(All the glasses from the human sector went missing)

(I found a bunch of them in Red's quarters)

(Not surprising really)

**Rule 494: **While in the Med Bay, never pick up random spare parts and ask, "Are you missing anything?"

(I nearly got hit with a wrench)

(Sunny actually panicked and became hysterical)

(I got blamed and received a twenty four hour surveillance)

(I couldn't go anywhere)

(Being locked up all day sucks man)

**Rule 495: **Do not replace all the real guns with water guns

(The soldier's reactions during a simulation: interesting)

(The amount of annoyance High Command received: priceless)

(It was so hot outside all right!)

**Rule 496: **Tire swings are not allowed

(Well, it wasn't at first, but then a few people got hurt)

(And of course when that happens, all fun is gone)

(It was replaced with a giant sandbox instead)

(Which for Annabelle and Sparrow it was the coolest thing ever)

(Well, OK, I secretly liked it too)

**Rule 497: **Cheese rolling is prohibited

(I fell literally head over heels keeping up with my Cheddar)

(Miles nearly tied himself into a pretzel when he tripped)

(The 'Bots found the whole thing amusing)

**Rule 498: **Never insult inanimate objects like they're Autobots

(Epps yelled at the coffee maker when it stopped working)

(Then proceeded to give it a stare down)

(It never did answer him)

(All the 'Bots avoided eye contact all day)

(Epps is no longer allowed near the kitchen without someone else nearby)

**Rule 499: **Any audio recordings of anything a 'Bot says must stay on the base

(I was in the middle of class when my phone rang)

(My ring tone was the Hatchet swearing)

(Everyone laughed at me)

(I got detention for it)

(Of course right afterwards I hunted down whoever messed with my phone)

**Rule 500: **Do not bet against Smokescreen

(The odds are never in your favour)

(He can out gamble even the best of 'Bots)

(Once I tried to prove this theory wrong)

(Didn't end well in the least)

(I personally think he cheated)

**Rule 501: **Allowed not is backwards speaking

(Everyone annoys it)

(The 'Bots twitched whenever I talked)

(Jolt rushed into the Rec Room and whisked me off to the Med Bay)

(I had to sit through a dozen brain scans)

(Was completely ignored even as I sat there glaring at him)

**Rule 502: **Don't remove the tires from a 'Bot's alt mode

(All the humans ganged up on Ultra Magnus)

(It was quite the accomplishment that we even managed to sneak up on him)

(We hid his tires in a storage closet)

(The screeching noise was very painful)

(He was stuck in robot mode for weeks)

(Translation: I was stuck watching him)

(Worst idea ever)

* * *

><p>There, 500 rules! (Yes I know there's 502!)...Well, that's everything. Follow these rules and your stay at NEST <em>should <em>be enjoyable. Look out for a new one shot coming up in a few weeks after all the university stuff is over. I might even throw in another Rule explanation if I can...


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